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Vinny’s Driving Skills
by mickeyz
2010 March 12 09:12:40
You pass someone on the street and there’s no telling what unique talent they possess. I had a friend, Vinny, who was a wizard with his car. I don’t mean fixing it; I mean driving it. Vinny could drive his car backwards better than most people drive forward. And he did with pride.
But here’s the catch: he wouldn’t drive backwards in the wrong direction. Vinny would drive along with all the other cars in the same direction as them—only backwards. This was a major league mindfuck for anyone on the road with him.
He’d get us in his Toyota—me in the front with him, Frank and Pasquale in the back. Vinny would instruct us to sit straight and look forward as if we were doing nothing unusual. He would ever-so-slightly turn his head and sometimes only use the rearview mirror.
The best would be when we stopped at a red light with a car in front of us and behind us. We’d be facing the wrong direction but going in the right direction and people were puzzled.
One more Vinny rule: do not laugh or act differently than you would on any other drive. Amazingly, we could pass an entire night doing this.
Vinny’s driving magic did not end there. He perfected the ability to sit in the passenger seat and still drive his car. His left hand would covertly hold the bottom of the steering wheel as his left leg stretched over to manipulate the pedals.
The first time I saw him, he was turning the corner on my block and I did a genuine, silent-movie caliber double take. People were freaking and he had this incredible gift to act as if all was normal. He waved to me and drove past. I laughed for twenty minutes.
The next step was to add passengers. Vinny would get me and Frank in the back seat and cruise through Astoria. He’d have the radio blasting with his right hand out the window, fingers snapping. The responses were priceless, indelibly etched in my mind.
Vinny loved this game so much that he’d do it alone if he some errands to run.
He could maneuver that Toyota like it was a toy. Headed to Rocco’s for a slice one night, Vinny swung into a u-turn in front of the pizza place. However, he never came out of the u-turn. Instead, he drove the Toyota in tight circles until people came out to watch. He’d stop after a few circles and ask someone where Rocco’s was and then start circling again. Finally, he stopped and announced:
“I drove in circles to find this place.”
Classic
by Subterranean Soul
2010 March 13
This reminds me of my younger days as a bogan in Northern Queensland. We\'d drive a hundred an twenty clicks to the next town just to steal garden gnomes. Along the way we\'d do the stupidest shit we could to the passing drivers. Like someone clandestinely holding the wheel while the driver leans out the window with both hands looking behind the car, or pretending to row it like boat.
After I\'d moved to a new town in the last year of high school, it took on whole new dimensions. A friend had this little Nissan and he had the whole town sussed out like a rally track. Hairpin cul de sacs done via handbrakes, through the access lane sharp right, mind the tree. One night we stole some kids new christmas present skateboard and took it out on the highway for a high speed romp and then left it back in their driveway later that night.
Now I live on an island without cars but funnily enough today was the first time in ages that I\'d had an urge to really thrash around in a car. And that was prior to reading this.
Cheers for stirring up the dust.
Thanks, S. Soul
by mickeyz
2010 March 13
Love the "rowing" idea. Wish we would\'ve thought of that.
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