dead

by Howler

Posted to Action Poetry on 2002-11-27 02:30:00

I’m dead inside, like a zombie
pain and illness have gotten too much
can’t feel anything anymore
just empty and lost
depression has becomen a great wall
between me and feelings
the only feeling left, tiredness
want to sleep all day
and maybe never wake up again
I’ve always been a dreamer
spending my time in my own little world
daydreaming about the cool stuff I could do
if I wasn’t disabled
have friends, go to Amsterdam,
sit in a coffie shop smoking pot
or maybe even go to San Fransisco,
walk the streets THEY have walked,
visit City Lights bookstore etc,
or maybe go to New York,
sit for hours at the Imagine-spot in Central Park
crying for the loss of my greatest hero of them all

now I can’t even dream anymore
without knowing when I stop
that dream will never come through
totally disillusioned, all my plans,
planned lying on my bed in my bed in the dark
with a Beatles-cd on
are impossible
the clever, intellectual, sensitive writer,
is really just a scared disabled young woman
I guess this is what they call growing up