Motivation
by Kitzbuhel
Posted to Action Poetry on 2003-01-20 19:08:00
I’m so unmotivated, i feel like i’m slipping out of sentience
i have 2 physics labs and a chem lab to write up
and should write about 1000 words of my extended essay
but maybe i’ll just go skiing tomorrow
and not go to school
and besides i can’t do one of those labs until i get someone’s numbers to copy
and the clips at http://www.maskedandanonymous-themovie.com
made me so happy and energized
how can i get to work?
now i’m getting a message from some awful stranger on ICQ
and i’m going to talk to her just like i did last night
even though she’s in junior high
and plans to be high school valedictorian
and gets straight A’s
and tells me to use internet words
instead of the big words i keep using
and this really isn’t a poem
despite the frequent line breaks
but that’s OK
lots of good things aren’t poems
i thought i could scare her away with literary allusions
but it just intrigued her more
sometimes it gets so hard to care
it can’t be this way everywhere
is all i can say
and now my lab partner’s messaging me
“rob have you done anything yet?”
“no”
“what are you going to do then?”
i guess i won’t tell him i’m writing a message for this place
he might criticize that decision
Oh, Tina (my 14 year old internet friend) is back
“so, what do you want to talk about” she says
“music”
“what kink”
(pause)
“i meant what kind”
“oh, I thought that was a cryptic message about The Kinks”
Maybe i’ll just go to sleep
leave it all for another day
i’ll get a zero on the chem lab
but the others will accept late work
no, i shouldn’t do that
i’ll just listen to some music
to work myself up to getting some work done
lotta things get in the way
when you’re tryin’ to do what’s right
but i’m not even really trying
there is no sense in trying
oh, of course there is
that’s just a cop out
if i’m going to cop out i’m not going to lie to myself about it
i’ll face it head on and say “i gave up
because i didn’t want to do it
and because i’m a lazy coward”
and that’s why i’m headin’ fo a fall
i can’t help it
i don’t approve of what i’m doing
but i’m doing it anyways
i’m the definition of a weak person
which is a shame, really
i need a religion to get me through all this
can anyone suggest a good one?
i’m up for anything that’s not too hard
i don’t want anything that asks too much of me
i just want an easy way out
i surrender
you win!
all of you, you win!
i’m sick of fighting
i never agreed to any of this
if you’re going to make me keep fighting
can you at least fill me up with some propaganda?
Please, make me feel like there’s something worth fighting for
make me feel like i’m not wasting my time
i don’t want to think for myself
i’ll do whatever you tell me to do if i can have self assurance that it’s worth doing
i don’t care whether or not it actually is worth doing
i just need to believe in it
i need some beliefs
nihilism’s getting exhausting
Gimme some faith!
misplaced faith is fine by me
as long as i don’t know it’s misplaced
tell me sweet lies
ease me and cool me and cease the pain
Of my useless and pointless knowledge
i just want to be happy
i don’t care about the truth
if i lived in Germany in the 30s
i probably would have voted for Hitler
simply for the joy of getting sucked up in propaganda
to just be part of the mob
and not have to think
blindly follow orders and always believe i was right
i know it would be wrong
but that’s what i’d do