i am so sick of writing love poems

by firecracker

Posted to Action Poetry on 2003-07-18 16:00:00

i am so sick of writing love poems…
dumping my private wants
in public places,
bleeding myself out as if it were something
important,
like a geopolitical statement
or manifesto of my invented belief system
or even a few nice lines about some leaves
i saw on the ground
i’m sick of writing love poems
i’m sick of feeling that they’re not enough
that i’ve used the wrong words
that it’s not really what i mean
when it is but not really
that it’s more than what i’ve said
that it’s not what i’ve said at all
that it makes me sound sad
that it makes me sound needy
or crazy
or boring
or *maudlin*
or gay
or repetitive
(or repetitive)
or any of the other adjectives that i can’t
even think of right now because i’m so busy
thinking about the new and exciting ways
i’m going to describe love in the next poem
or any (ok all) of the above

i’m tired of writing love poems
and hanging them out for everyone to see
i’m tired of them falling flat
on their puny little faces and then slinking
back into a corner licking their wounds
and justifying the pathetic display
of what had just happened
because i’m in love and
because i’m a sensitive soul
and because i miss you so much
because i love you so much
because i’m a girl
because it’s been so long
because it’s the only thing i think about
because it’s “beautiful”
because it’s real for once
and this should excuse it
but it doesn’t
because i’m only more likely to clog places like this
with more of the wants and aches and needs and feelings…

blah dee blah blah blah

like, why can’t i just come up with something really
cutting edge
something post modern
or even something post mortem
something a little more spare and economical?
something…
like, when is it all just gonna hit me
and stream down as if i were channeling the
fucking bible?
i honestly don’t hear anyone saying
“hey, we need some more love poetry over here”
or “hey, can you say that again
in almost the exactly same way but somewhat different
but make it pretty much the same poem ok?”

i mean the exact same god damned poem
again and again and again
i swear i’ve probably written the same poem
200 times over.
i swear, yeah i know, it is kind of irritating.
like when i use a lot of the same words over
such as “whispered”
and “twilight”
and “pathways”
and don’t even get me started about the imagery of darkness
travelling, charcoal, pencils and … yeah… souls.

i am so sick of writing
love poems
cracking my head open at least once a week and watching it all
pour out
like a rerun
every time
no, i’m not fifteen
no, i’m actually very cynical about, well
pretty much everything
no, i’m not really that easy to get along with
and i really don’t think i believe in fate or karma or soulmates
i don’t even really believe in calculus
but do believe in astrology and the tv guide, but that’s really another story altogether
or rather it would be
if i wrote stories
instead of, um, the love poems.
right.

blah blah blah

i’m so sick of writing love poems
but there’s something about
the way this flattens me
every time i think about it
every time i think about you
every time i think about you
and i together
and the things
that
we do
something that tells me
i’ll be writing another one
again
very, very soon.