She makes me so sad

by Yossarian

Posted to Action Poetry on 2004-03-02 20:18:00

sickness welling in my middle;
a pit of fear and hate
I’m so scared that I share so much with this person
Mom; why, must you live like this
has brought so many terrible drowing memories
your visit, to that whitewalled place
smelling of baby food and urine
stained trousers of the disembodied other I cannot bear
this burden, being, burning son to
both you and he, so fragile and falling
faster and faster as the years keep growing out and apart
I, running from what I can’t escape

bloodborn into this thing
I hang, dangling from this tenuous edge of hoping
I am not like either of you
eyes are burning through the smoking
cigarette I nurture to beat down the pain
that I cannot deal
with this anymore, I am the needle
to break this, turn away and godspeed
I’ll be here, when you are well
enough for me to keep thoughts of
a time when mother and father and I
can sit and look and feel not fear or anxiety
of this day I know
just wishing a great endless of well,
of nothing; this is not a happy ending
I am sorry, asking no forgiveness, no
absolution comes through
at a moment I will never know.

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