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by pottygok
Posted to Haiku Board on 2003-12-10 11:19:00
Parent message is 557451
>sharks must swim to breathe because of primitive gills
There’s two images in that alone.
>thinking about Hesse novel steppenwolfe I think
>man once he becomes self aware and thinks his own thoughts >he can not stop or he will drown
Possibly a bit too abstract for haiku? The idea is solid, but possibly more appropriate for a poem instead of a haiku. Something like this goes beyond the “moment” that a haiku is supposed to represent.
>the ocean mother of life,
Again, too far reaching for haiku, but a solid idea for a poem.
>we carry the ocean withing us
How?
>and we float in it within the womb
If ocean=water, then yes, I guess I can see that…maybe… still, the idea is that a haiku is a moment, not a grand sweeping thought. Find the profoundness in moments, little blips in time, and you’ll find the haiku.
>sping thaw is in my heart this winter
This would be a good ‘ku, or a ‘ku based poem. Work on this image. This line, with a break, could easily be two lines of a succesful ‘ku.
>thank you again for pointing me to the center
What ‘ku are you reading? What mags/books have you looked at?
>someday soon I hope to make a ku out of the above, I hope >you will PC that one too
Not sure all of it will work, but some of it–the spring thaw idea, and the shark idea–could make some solid haiku.