…

by pottygok

Posted to Haiku Board on 2004-06-25 01:07:00

Parent message is 667435
>sticky beer skin

Hmmm…interesting…

>sweat smell

It’s not a bad line, it’s simply not complete, IMO. Something like

“beer
on her skin with sweat”

I realize it’s a bit clunky, but something to tie the two images together tightly, would be much more effective.

>no clouds

Okay…