noise

by sullen girl

Posted to Poetry on 2002-01-25 04:55:00

Razor blade ecstacy
Trembling hands, cutting deeply
My crimson love calming me
In my bedroom, all alone
Crying and trembling
How can I be positive
happy
free?
A morbid curiousity harbors in me
I miss the sweet/sick relief mutilation brings
and I wonder am I disturbed when the pain of getting a tattoo turned me on
Erupting heart
Feeding my head with expired fruits of knowledge
Am I really too sensitive for this world?
Happy people annoy me
Paint on smiles, stretching for miles
It’s pretty sad when positivity brings you down
I sit here, unwelcoming with a permanent frown
No one bothers to push my buttons
to explore the inner workings of my mind, my soul
No one wants to warm this heart
My beauty is waiting to be seen
My love is lonely
I am the walking dead
You will never understand
Don’t feel bad, no one does
I sleep while life goes on
No motivation, no action
It wouldn’t really matter if I was gone
So….why am I here?
At times I wish I had been aborted while kicking in my mother’s fetus
Did I wrap that umbilical cord around my own neck?
All alone
Fade to black
the worms eat, then regurgitate me
Thrown up remains of many wasted days
Crucified by my own mind
I want to do something drastic
I’m on the verge of something
I just don’t know what yet
I’m aching to break free
of these mental shackles that bind me
Silent nights are never truly quiet
I’m a slave to this depression
I have become it, it has become me
You smile
and it makes me want to tear your heart out
Serotonin- where are you?
Scratching at nothing
Stale, stagnant life
Who/what is (isn’t?) beckoning me?
I’m lost in a labyrinth of twisted faces and thoughts
Invisible
in an endless sea of decapitated heads
Will I ever find a heart among the ruins?