michaelsferrell
by zygotenmycoffee
Posted to Poetry on 2002-11-29 08:51:00
Parent message is 330343
nice piece…i especially like the bit about the japenese spanish spoken in italian–funny shit–
for me, though, i think the poem would be much more effective if you started with the line: “I heard when they found me.” The lines prior to that point seemed relatively flat & didn’t contribute much.
tighten it up & ya got a gem!