I dig the message

by pottygok

Posted to Poetry on 2003-01-06 18:44:00

Parent message is 352516
of your poem, but the imagery is still drowning in an angry tirade. Whatever images you choose, be they from reality, or metaphors, or whatever, focus on them, and bring them out. The idea that a Tomahawk missle costs so many billions of dollars is a great image, especially if contrasted against something like the National Endowment for the Arts budget, or something like that. You could easily focus on the idea of war as industry, and load the poem with images of finance, death, etc. Or focus on the pledge as brainwashing (contrasted with burning flags?). Whatever. Focus on images like those, draw them out. Expand on them. Really polish them to a shine. Show the irony/sarcasm through them. That will seperate your poem from an angry rant.

A good poem to check out is “America” by Allen Ginsberg. Examine how every line contains a solid, strong image, most from reality, but how that collection of images, and the way he phrases them, gives an overall feeling to the poem. The idea of a rant comes through, the idea of sarcasm comes through, but it transcends both and enters into the realm of poetry. Also, I encourage you to check out the Stevens poem, and the way he uses short, seemingly unrelated, snippets to convey an overall emotion. Both styles would work well with this theme.

Anyway, keep up the good work. You’ve got a really important point to make.