this is finished.

by foolish_Paeter

Posted to Poetry on 2003-01-22 20:25:00

Parent message is 364542
No thesauruses. All the words you need are already inside you.
Besides, there are no good synonyms for black

And I think you’re missing the rhythm. This is wind-like. It curves and curls and swerves and swirls. You can’t look for where it’s going, you just gotta feel it.

I have to include the “he”s on the listing part. It brings it mechanically clear to me how the man is killing these things. It should be mechanical.

Yes, the two lovers are allegorical, but I’m not capitalizing “man” or “lady.” It would be tacky.

It has to say “every,” and “at exactly the same time.” That’s how it goes.

There was no intentional nod to Yeats. I haven’t read enough of him to nod to him. I just read “No Second Troy” over and over again. This poem owes more to Cummings.

The last words have to be a sidenote. They are separate from the rest of the poem; the focus has shifted. “You and I” and “they” are no one mentioned previously; it must be separated.

You seem to like finding meaning in poetry;
tell me who the two lovers are 🙂