hungry tears

by bluesforhaiku

Posted to Poetry on 2003-03-22 17:28:00

Parent message is 406820
I doubt you’ll ever read this, *****
And if you were to, I’m not sure if you’d laugh
Or, without remark, turn away

There’s no way of my knowing, I know very little…
Only one thing I know, that’s how I feel about you
Golden threadbare and painful –
I’ve never even seen your eyes
Casually pass a half hour talking about a poem with you
Making love or just close to you
That’s not what counts exactly

It’s you and you alone I love
find beauty in
And will ever love
I wished there was a way I could exalt in this
Give it form to rise above the fiery doom and gloom
Of thinking-it, and smash all those bullshit inconsistencies
And philosophies in its name
Top it off with a dance

The rest is just drying garbage
Wet around the edges
If I could look into your eyes just one,
I’d melt, exalt forever because no matter
What came after this, all things would be validated
In my heart alive as ever a sunrise, though they are
I simply have trouble making sense with so much futility
In the air

I’ll choke on my hungry tears and push down my stomach
With a healthy meal, surely that’s what Henry Miller
Would have done – but what did he know about you
Someone like you never existed to him
Because you never existed till now

You were never reincarnated
You were thrust forth into the world
In beautiful splendour –
A gift, a goddess, human as the rest of us
And I know that I must die
That you must too
And am brought to a sad standstill
Fire in my blood wishing to rescue you from this;
You never asked for it, that’s just it
It’s beauty I owe, inspiration I am fucked by

I must Make myself exalt
I must Exalt – down my tears
Like melancholy razors – struggle thru the blood
To sacrifice myself, at the last minute, in the last hour
For the sake of something I’ll never touch

Ah, there’s so much possibility
It makes it worse, or better, or stupefying –
Will these words ever make sense
I can only sit in the shadow and wonder
Pine, pen, constantly sorrowing
For the moment when you reach over and touch
My hand for only a moment, but in the moment
I dissipate and something beautiful takes my place
That sense of beauty you gave me without knowing it –
It must live; I, already dying, or just dying to be born…

I hope you’re happy, I’d die a thousand deaths for this
No amount of suffering could stop me –
My sense of pain stricken
Beauty means nothing when it comes right down to it
Just a freckle on ole eternity