A season for regret

by eh…

Posted to Poetry on 2003-07-06 22:22:00



Though we’ve talked many summers
(colored over with laughter,smiles and angry tears)
my words have never given you anything you could feel.
I feel it though…
Felt deep like felt carpet rug burns.
Soft fuzzy cloth betrays its nature…
grating and degrading the flesh and
burning like the pain of a first born miscarriage
born of careless escapes bringing dire consequence.
(the mother knows death had to stalk its prey…
he followed her home like a sinister stray)

Though I’ve called to you many winters
(greyed out with blues, anger and desperate laughs)
I could never make you feel me.
I feel I could though.
Yelling loud enough only my voice could be heard…
shattering through stainedglass
(as if the sun outside could cast those colors alone)
to find naked light shows an empty flesh white slate.
(The only color on the canvas blood,
fresh red on my fist just pushed through
snagged on the broken dreams of Sol.)

And while I’ve swum with you in many springs
(pulling down lifes blue blood with pushing paddled hands
to stay afloat where I could stand)
I could never get high enough to see you
glistening in the sun shining through to show your stains.
I could have raised trembing legs to see
(letting life’s blood flow ’round me)
my desired reflection wading through my own
searching with her feet to find my place to stand
and look down to see ourselves.
(smiling selfish in our dreams)

Although We tried to laugh long at all our falls
(laughter coloring over tears inside
to hide the parts of us which died)
sadness was the only gift I gave that your heart recieved
You grieved for me for you could see
me strapped to Fortune’s whitewashed tires
and cried for us because I rushed
to tear down all you brought to build.
(Hated self brings hated life
and tears down all the like)
and in the autumn of my fall I still saw no light.

For seasons I have followed you
(blackend by the jaded veil
my own doubt made me wear)
a spoiled child at your heels….
I made my pain part of your days
and shot down all your smiles.
(and when i think of all my tears we’ve cried
i know now i’ve made my self hate justified)



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