i thought

by in_extremis

Posted to Poetry on 2003-08-06 02:01:00

Parent message is 497565
this piece was sort of overly sentimental. i found that the structure of your sentences lent them a certain rhythm, but that they read unnaturally. i also thought that “midnight blackish/ bluish sky” should have been altered to sound less forced, and that it interfered with my attempt to imagine the “blue/gray beams” that gave the piece its name.