good sound play

by jenninot

Posted to Poetry on 2004-03-06 10:21:00

Parent message is 614583
You could enhance your sounds even more by cutting some extraneous phrases. For example:

A yarr and yonder
thunder across the room,
a basic wooden cavern
(where) madonna miracles
booze from her spying eyes

Pleasant laughter, stenchy farts(,)
two bald guys no longer
associating wife with pretty(–)
pain bereft of hope is easily drained(.)

White foam, a black drink
clenched in fist, end in mouth
and fish’n chips(,)
diamont fingers touch rippled skin.

(kill the elipses)
Hope that helps.
–jenni

The Literary Kicks message boards were active from 2001 to 2004.