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by Sabertash

Posted to Stories on 2002-03-14 22:22:00

Uppityyuppupp narrownatruallatters over therailinto manllyhood. Bys experirning the thrillovictorship ofer the aeliments that holdenwod the lifved thusfar, slowlyseekingselfassurance and indaparendence. Lernpains bumpsnbrusis sotimes just lettingo is the onle way to litemsore. Backlokin itsagoodd think panhelpsrisen and songingsi verkly imprtance to welbeein but fer ol’ SmulSabertash twas of highthst rrder, music o d gowrds was the drt in heis vains. A flutedflte was heis ofcorise and sweetswellingsingsongswiftlysungstoodstark in the sft springback air. Hereim play! Wonrus airo’ ancient ancestrous time, forFinn rapurus nd mellnodicly ferthefall but diegresivness. Roudoundabott till the ginning was dawning, time app art frm you but u noles. Fourwardr backwarden matter knot is all the stateobeen hishertory sataturates the exitstence.
StandingSadness in is underdaze SolidStance in beleaf whar SpareSecondsspentsoar peasently bye. Leafelernin godlernin mony a lesston lernt inn the wooddSickiningsocietyShunnned and SolsittudeSolistitated frendsfewfar be tween. Jung man in Jung wordld here the mellowdy in the Schwisosawicsawrrroooohhhhh o’ leaves and breath o’ forbest dwellers.

Backin Th’ earli daze! Jist walkin too the wounderousness o’ the wildwidlyworld monny advertsilers two be hod an exerciting livfe liing stil a head. Earli reckolecations offscwhool dayz troubledtruamstmlytaguht to jungters uhnwhillingly readinritingrithmitic hawr! Ann arttistian is born! Museic alrede supperurting a fragiale sole. Momotonly anddedejectedness SlippingslowlySilenty bye witin tat primeviel blackedness that waas heis soal. Kiked inhe gute and draggaed throght the drt hummbiliation early on, kidds trully kin bee the meenist! Pusshed ansshoved innto heis corenr o solituducalneSS strng boybegining strrnger tcome. Evean thhis loonly boy fowend heis kinddred sprites hoewforver, varying feww bytthar noless fewfirmlyfoundforeverfriends two share problematic stichuations.
Somm od kidds wennt to prarties rfrieds holmes, hed go tohe gwooddess. A great escapee from realalitty a harrder tyme deelin with the worlrd that wasso easeilly xscappabl und wheedlike he upsurtpartoued in thee soame way.
On partakular aftrmornin in erliey Martz heead a baddly type day dealin with heis felow mann undd went to one o’ heis flavorate placeds inn a smahill woord bye heis hoome, wallkin furtheher undd deeeeeeepper inntoo the aver darkin wood, hee stmbleededundeed ofver a peracrfitly placed stony undd went aspralalinin uppuwards unto hisself in a tinyteenytyperoundreflectingpool. Tharr foer thee first tyme inn heis shortly lifved hee uenderstood hisself, oneo’ those fastlyfleeting momentos of cleararity wharoneselfcanseethemselves inn the truth und thee littlee lihight thaught willso yer owen walkenpathingguidetightline inofthis confusinatiable crossconectablated interchanging senstation weed call LIFE. After that day Sabertash wass ablee to cannectye awee bit bet ter wit the ovdder peeple roundabout in im. ‘E stiall wasentable to conecttionate wit tham all but thare war thouse, Ah yea, feewundfarr be tween that under and were stood bye himselves. Theese feew keept close fout in numbers wass strongth. Ahhh if onely thar future excsited fer tham the visionsee ohw, too knolageforth o’ the greatpness thata head was lying! Insperarationalisim or lazinesism or a future goloriy tocome? Tisso no mater corse fore they will in will or knot, halve to seethearthemself.

SS newnow a calling calling heim stuckk in leaves of a diferenting sort the viscions in mind prodtuced by thoese wordks, how to pay omnage to thall? Artiture, wrighter, museic, painstated images?
Allothelastlylisted? Suuurrrreeee, bute a gain werar getting intotimetoyetparr. Restfull schuncool daze, nan esventialfull, heyallreddy knew that art weas caaalllliiinnng forom thee nondistitdant futuferer. All heis rleadrin uppto thais. Poetree, Thoroeau, Joyiuce, Sthompson, Rattelinglobe, Kerowack, Ariestottle und otthers lessly imomniportant but iflueceuwell noless. Mony an tyme spent in puswait of scacred leaves, soom like Walldin etch e sketched in to the tissue o’ heis soaul. Truthly amazoning whay one cain gain from books. A lifetyme sup ply o’ caracterazationations the abclility to fitt in two manny diferentiatible lieves. Scwhooler? Aye. Artistian? In deedd. Poure man? Eaisili. Riech man? O’ course! Phillosoper? Undar flavarabile circumenstances. Phool? Naturall state. Any givin rolle is plyayed any chrachature assumused is believieble.
A little knowladge gois a looonnngg wayis. Throwoutheis scwhool daze he plaied the part o’ the lonlyer, allways avoidenceof contaract wik heis classymayts but that part grreeewwww tierding quiteit rapplacidly. Whhat part two play nhnow? Hisunrestrainelfed? Improssibility! Das ist reserved rsvp four heis friendaze! But waits! Sutuck in a subordinarit subculture! Warr games wik heis friends! Soiduring? Workkin, thisis heand full o’ tinn not warth me sweat! Laughingloolinglonglinesback, not fer him! Gladd that’s ore wik! Tyme to recalibrtymeandrecenteralate heis l-attitute, find a meanining, to explorotour the message deiply embeodyed in the ceralificalo’ heis soul. Ahhhh….. a lives workin ahead thee allmightyallpounderous question!
-What exacatily do I waint theis woarldto C?

-Howe do I sheeow theem whhat my visionaralysightin sees?

-Whill any one standunder and seea?

-Dose what I see realality mathatter in thend?

Nagginnotlynowin the answears und only oneway two finnd tham out.
Two trytootelltailstotally the opiuminion off the generalazated publication, but whas it dis? A trackitytrickitytickitytrick? Trow it down ifyer thias farr! Don’t gitit know? Waell thein gotgettin redi causerewaiten is almost ore! The journiy is about to be ginn!

Lookin’ backenward down the road and time hours behind years ahead. Why do it at all? Still haven’t figured that little question out. Hours yet to drive, plenty of time to contemplate. “Why do people insist upon working their life away?” To pay bills? Why acquire them. To buy what they need? Why not make it. To take care of essentials like shelter and food? I know how to use and ax and a gun. Tired, the drug induced visions of the night before have faded leaving behind only blatant reality staring him down through the darkness. “Why do I do this to myself?” Wonder if talking about the past night or present ideas. Back again “Why don’t they understand?” While Poe running through his head
“…But dreams of those who dream as I,
Aspiringly, are damned, and die:
Yet should I swear I mean alone,
By notes so very shrilly blown,
To break upon Time’s monotone,
While yet my vapid joy and grief
Are tintless of the yellow leaf…”
Sometimes hours upon end, why did this rhyme permeate his soul? There are more fitting. Mind wandering eyes barely open. Stop for this night be there on the morrow. Rest area, cold, no room to sleep just a half stupefied state of unconsciousness, strange music pouring out the radio, seeping into the visions flitting by in a world of chaos and dark but, somehow more real. Cold, stiff limbs, ice on windshield, need something warm, five a.m. continuing on now only looking forward with increasing excitement, new phase of life, challenges, ideas, people and adventures. There is fun to be had! Closer now tingling excitement foot getting heavy fasternow till at last stop get out look around and, finally! Time to begfinn the journey is in more then one way complete.

Payphone outside a gas station
SABERTASH- Hey! I have arrived, the time has come to live it up again, alright, yes, I’ll be here where else would I go, THAT would be a good idea, Alright see ya in a bit.
EXIT

Interior room
SABERTASH- Ah, finally here, it’s nice to be away from the striffulllife of the last ten years. At last I have time to relaxrecountrecoupeandrevitalize, Ah freedom! Glorious Indaparenance!

LYNCHOVICH- Aye, ‘tis a wounderous place is it not? You should thoroughly enjoy it here, there are places to go things to see and, well you get the idea. It’s great to finally have someone I know out here to celebrate with.

SABERTASH- Don’t count yourself too lucky, I had to getgoinggonewise I was losing my mindspiritdirectiono’ life and you were the farthest away person I could think of. When it’s solitude you want seek the company of hermits I always say.

LYNCHOVICH- I thought you always said Fuckemiftheycanttakeajoke!

SABERTASH- Well it depends on who I am that day doesn’t it?

EXIT

So a new mountain to explore and what a mountain it is to, trees so thick the sky is barely visible in places, a pond of solitude to lose oneself in the depths of it’s thoughts. Many days spent pondering over the state of mankind, trying to decide if they couldn’t or just wouldn’t see the flaw in their way of life. How could they really believe it was possible to live with and against nature at the same time? Didn’t they see that their lifestyle was destroying their way of life? So many questions so few answers!
Ever since he had arrived here Saber had been living almost entirely off the land. He was living in a tent he had brought with him, down by the riverside. He and Lynch would gather the fruit that grew in abundance in their area for most of their meals though there were those drunken nights when they decided to go rabbit hunting. You couldn’t really call it hunting however, they would wait for nightfall, they always drank at night, and eventually one of them would bring up the fact that they hadn’t eaten meat for quite a while. This would of course result in getting out the gun and slingshot and loading into Lynch’s beat up old van. Whoever was driving would hold onto the slingshot and the other would lay on the roof as they sped recklessly around the narrow dirt roads searching for rabbits. If they spotted one the person on the roof would start firing at it while the person driving would attempt, while trying to hit it with a slingshot, to follow it, up the road, through the undergrowth, even into the forest if it seemed called for, both of them yelling and hollering up a storm. Once the van stopped the person on the roof, if they had managed to hold on, would usually either jump, roll, or fall off and attempt to give chase on foot. Needless to say they didn’t eat much rabbit and lived off the fruit that was more then happy to stay still and be plucked off easy to capture trees. The only other source they had for meat if the drunken urge was on them and they didn’t feel like risking life and limb was fishing in the pond o’ solitude as Saber had dubbed it. Fishing was something they were both quite good at so they enjoyed at least moderate success nearly every time they went. About the only problem they ever experienced there was in keeping their drinking buddy Tim M’vorn out of the pond. With a love for the liquor poor Tim was born , and he had a tendency to try to prove he could out drink anyone else around. He was almost always able to with one exception. Rye whiskey, when Saber and Lynch would bring the good ol’ rye Timon would do foolish things, like fall into the pond and run into tree’s. He would then pass out and Saber and Lynch would have to carry him, all 6 and ½ feet and 225 pounds of him, back to his truck and go dump him at his trailer. This would be an easy task if not for the fact that he had a hard time getting into his trailer when he was conscious and sober so trying to maneuver him into his bed while he was dead to the world was a nearly impossible task and he usually ended up on the floor under a pile of dirty laundry.
After a few months of this Saber and Lynch both decided that they could easily be self sufficient as far as surviving went and they were starting to get bored and a little annoyed with some of the people that lived in their general area. Boredom, that was the main problem, that’ll get the wanderlustworkin, nothing like a quest to make the bloodburnbrightly, the bug is planted and the effects must ensue. Maybe go a woanderen in the woods sosomeseemtsay geta friend or two together and go.

Time passed and here again the overflowing stream o’ time I stand at its banks… Thoreully the time had come! Depaturedaydallyed to long all ready, load up the velecular motion on off we go! Money in pocket hand on the wheel, where will we go? Wherever we feel! At last! Withertowanderwidewayswaiting crack the tubes and drain the draught! High spirits and fire in the belly music blaring, footfloor northward we head southway is dead, silly rhymes and spirits aplenty
celebrating.

Long daysnights drivingdrivingdrivingdrivingdriving drive somemore, coldercountry here, way up north suiting him to a T.





Forested Area

SABER- This is lookinlike a perfectabileplace to stayseesomesenery wouldn’t you not say.

LYNCH- I would not, not say for I am drop dead tiered and the bottom of a lake would be the same to me as the heavens above. Sleep I need and sleep I shall have if I must drop dead right here and now.

SABER- Methinks death is far from a necessity at this particularpoint in out little ad venture, but I do saysleepsoundssingularlysupurb right about now. Sostopssays I and we shall partake of much food and more drink and thusly passapleasent evening.

LYNCH- Always says little with many words, you should have been a bastard politician with the way you talk. You could have been corrupt and putrid within the week.

SABER- Now of course, you know I must hurt you sostand and prepare to defend thy self you dastardly villain!

LYNCH- ‘Twas but a jest good sir, pray, harm me not!

Much hilarity prevailing through out the night, well resterroadready uprising late, time to find some company to pass the time with, womanwatching is much more fun when it’s a contact sport.
Night spot, dayspot spend a few more nights exxxciting times with new peoples, more to try, hard to leave a spot where what is sought is readably found. Maoney days spent partaking in what some say sin others fun, t’eachhisown so t’say. It’s only wrong if you think not right what you’re told is wrong and you agree with not yourself.
Week of hardheavy rest and onwards towards new horizentrytopening nights travel fasttravelfaster destination, everywhere.
Where time runs out-
stop
where money is short-
more to be had
where parties are thrown-
passingoutontherug.
Go where invited avoid where you’re shunned
that’s the way to have you’re fun.

He stood on the corner, hat in hand a bottle of yet untasted vodka protruding from his pocket. It had been a slow night back at camp and he was glad to be out in the cold winters night. As he stood immersed in his thoughts a car pulled up and two people got out. They exchanged a few words with him and they all climbed back into the car. Alone in the back seat, he noticed the world looked very strange through the fog tinted windows of the beat up sedan. Every thing was soft and almost ghost like, the only thing that seemed to be living was himself. Even the two people in the front seemed to be unchangeable statues, the only things real were the cold and his thoughts, it was a strange sensation. They pulled up to a brightly lit building and he was handed some money. He opened the door and slowly climbed back into the outside world. He walked towards the building and nervously opened the door, though he had been here many times, tonight was different, it was to bright and the light hurt his head. He found what he was looking for and laid it down on the counter with the sound of bottles striking together, fumbling with the money to pay the clerk. Back outside he breathed a sigh of relief, and climbing back into the car, laughed at himself as he handed the bottles to the people in the front seat. Another drive and he was at someone’s house. Sitting in the corner, cartoon images flashing by on the television screen. He takes the vodka out of his pocket, but then replaces it unopened. Bits of half heard conversation from the room next door catch his attention bud soon fade into nothingness. After what seemed like an eternity it was time to head out. Back of a Volkswagen, lost in a maze of alleys. The sky was an amazing crystal blue hue, otherworldly. Eventually he arrived back at camp. Dark, many stars out, jazz on the radio. Sitting down on his bedding he once again pulled the vodka out of his pocket. He looked at it for a time and then, removing the top, he takes a taste.

long days……
longlonglonger nights…..
hard to wake, hurtingheadhard
wake……
partake, overtake, excess make a mess life can go astray.. what happened to the thinking dayze to ponder, what happened to the questions in his soul, what happened to the ideas, the concern for what’s to come?
to him.
somehow lost in their own maze, to muchtomuchtomuch neddneedneedneed to stopbrakedesisthaltfreeze,
rest.

his art……

of course, how, forget, and abandon that which meant so much

must get back, get back to work
CREATE!
to show what he could see

the meaning once found rekindled again

undaunted by all since met

Flaringflamefiercly burning in his soul, a newfound passion not yet experienced, the trip had been fun…. But now it means so much more, lifelived seeing, hearing, clear mind openoutward beauty everywichwhere, so much good, bad, all all all one of one being, each is eachiseach, cant harm hurting self, if people lived in that knowledge……

but how

don’t care, self, each other.. no, where they live, planet, universe, allisallisall, destroy self destroy all.
DAMN
cant they
wont they
must be shown, must change moving forward in backward leaps
past is suchstreangthstability, old paths old ways time to start again
to show the world
but not now
now is the time of himself
what do I see how and where
MY vision
against the world
MY ideas
against the wise
though they may not be accepted or even understood
this is how I
yes I!
I!
I!!
I!!!
see the world
because who can truly say ‘I’ see
no many
most are swayed
are divided, torn
afraid to see and face the scorn
but myself is I!
no more no less
to the zen and all the other goddam philosophies he had been studying
THIS ABOVE ALL TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE
it’s time to start living up to that expectation
if it means hell
sobeit

Visually called a bloody romantic
BAH!
penmanship no short of bizarre
but those who see it
ahhhhhhh they do, those that understand
There is a riddle for those that see
decode it if you can
HA HA HA HA!!!!
some would say he went mad after that
that Sabertash was no more then a washed out junkie with
Delusions Of Grander
but of course he IS right, his mind
mind
matters not what others see, what I see is me is me
rhyme and rhythm may be off, to my mind is smooth silk_____________________________________________________________________
pond reflecting
mind once stable now who knows
roaming through his present home
love once lost not to be found
darkened waters d o w n to drown
One woman whom his life spent to find
leaving him
affect the vision
I think so
down into the stagnant pool
his quest on hold the wound to heal
(Have lost you yet? Then know the mind)
Hurt pain never again
but some how must go on
new life new love hurt again
don’t know
but yes but more to come
another draught to kill the pain
the nectar leaves you weak and dizzy, when it’s good it’s great
but when it’s bad
ouch
many lonely nights, many that would have been better spent that way, many dead end alleys looking for a friend, a lover who can share the good times, make new ones, help him out with the bad(god knows he can use it)
share the vision.
Much to show the world but lacking motivation. Needs a shove, a push, a jolt to get him on his way, try to make a different place to change the world today.
Out making photos 1 A.M. the natural world throughout my eyes, maybe now people can see the loveliness sublime
save the world, not mankind, one thing at a time.
out trying
trying
trying to make a name, to make them look; must be well known
a thing before avoided at all cost, a new adjustment, hard and new, wanting to be seen.
Whoa. That’s a new trip, sociable recluse ah well to do what must be done, a mission is a mission after all and this path was his, for good fer bad. Out at day meeting, talking, showing work, parties at night hobnobbing with those who can pave the way, trying to make it in a harsh lit world.
Moneys tight, hard to support a vision strange, most don’t want to look at antifamiliarity what’s known and common requires no thinking, intellectually challenged many would say. World today to self involved looking inward never out, light in the attic has gone out; need a jolt, a shock to the system, reboot. Some understand but not enough to make a living by so other timetakingtaskstoo must be worked. Photo days on the rivers watching rafts float by, good job, right up his alley but, time taking? Defiantly. Making money, no time for HIS vision so… change the frame, put forth the world in a different way, allways time to express youreselfessence, matters not the way. Much time spent working away, many words made, many silver nitrate images seen in mind yet to be made but inspiration ahhhh….
Everywhere! many images engraved on his mindpallet just need to be made.
THAT of course is the hard part, one word motivation
If he already sees it should it have to be permanent?
The fleeting moment not all can see, that is what art achieves to help the rest see
subtle changes light and hue tell the tale, the souls eyesight.
Art
small word for such a hard definition, like god.
I may not know much but….
it’s all a matter of personal vision, you’re souls desire maybe art IS god,
or god art. Much the same, both no one knows what they look like, some doubt their existence (artheist?) both are open to personal flavorings and style, both can make
you hated,
or loved.

c 2002 mindfull produtionns
Just a little taste…. let me know what you think
JASON

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