memories of my grandfather

by soozy

Posted to Stories on 2002-03-15 12:48:00

I find it difficult to believe how quickly this last year has gone. It seems only five minutes ago that i was emailing the confirmation of the trip. Its funny how things turn out in the end.

I think it had been almost ten years since we had spent a vacation together – when we all went to Disney world, so the only person missing this time was dad, but someone had to stay home.

I had been counting down the weeks and getting more and more excited. so many people had family to visit and now you were all going to be here at once. I was well prepared with flowers and drinks for the cabin, we were set for a fantastic cruise, your first vacation in the caribbean.
You looked so proud when i met the bus in the port surrounded by your girls and another one to meet you. You had always been unconditionally proud of us.

Having been away so much of the past few years it was difficult to accept how much older you looked, but it still wasn’t going to make any difference to your enjoyment of the trip. I remember Catherine saying she had been banned from pushing the wheel chair as she kept pushing you into things.

We found the cabin easily and i remember how happy Nanny was to see the big window and the sofa by it – safe in the knowlege that in the event either of you were not well enough to go out one day, you would not miss anything you had your own perfect view.

As the week went on you seemed to be getting more distant, you were not eating much and would fall asleep much more than normal. I remember coming back from rehearsal one day and mum saying she thought they had nearly lost you earlier, but you were fine and refusing to go to the doctors. Its only when you look back do you question what would have happened if you had done things differently… would you still be here today.

It was the last morning of the cruise, you had sat through that dreadful circus show twice the night before.. just because i had to work. At breakfast you didn’t look well and nanny seemed concerned, but neither of you would ever say anything. you chose to sit and watch the ocean as we pottered around doind things. whne we came back someone had given you a beach ball, you told them it was for your girls-

As it had become customery for lunch we went to the sports bar.. i wnet across to check what there was to let you know..As i came back across the room i could see mum looking worried, she said i needed to call someone.I looked down and you were resting your head on Nannys shoulder – i suposse i knew at that point you were no longer there. Of course we have training in how to deal with these situations… but not when its someone you are close to. The waiter never did speak good english and for me he was wasting too much time so i just grabed the phone and yelled.. im surprised they could understand me through the sobbing.

The nurse arrived quickly and it was when she called the COde Alpha that i remmeber the others by the pool – i knew Catherine would understand and we always did have a strange way of feeling things in advance. As i was coming round th corner she was already up – she knew – by the time we got back the full medical team and officers were there. I jsut remember mum looking out the windows watching the trail we were leaving in the ocean – she seemed toatally at peace.

As she had always thought us, everything happens for a reason even if at the time that is difficult for us to understand. Despite all there efforts there was othing that could be done. You had gone.

It was more difficult for other people to understand and come to terms with, but looking back you made a perfect plan. You had a fantastic vacation with family who loved you, we all have great memories, photographs. And the place you went…. the back of the ship, full walls of windows overlooking that endless caribbean sea and perfect blue skys.

Its now a year later – I’m still here, same bit of ocean, different ship.. Nanny is doing well, It was difficult at first because she said she couldn’t remember a time when you were not there… That was a very special thought for me and something that i would like..

thought are still with you