Better not Said

by Harry

Posted to Stories on 2002-04-28 11:03:00

(this is the first part.. .theres more that ihaven’t written yet…)

It was a dark and lonely Saturday night. People were out partying and living it up, but not the woman of which I speak, and of which you read. She sat at home, not in a comfort of her own walls, but in a vast unknown of her wandering mind. Walls, tangible walls couldn’t protect the young girl. Her name was Jennifer, but that doesn’t seem to matter to her anymore. She can’t feel real life, or live it either. And now she sits- at home.
The storm coming in pushed the trees, the taping on the windows soothed her to know she wasn’t dead yet. The house was dark, most of the light bulbs had blown and here she sat. In the corner, hiding. Sounds of nothing scared her to death and the voices would mumble things. “Laaaaaaaaaaaaaady. Laaaaaaaaaaaaady. Coooooome on out an’ plaaaaaaay.” Her body jolted. She looked around the room, as if she was searching for something she knew wasn’t there. Her breath was heavy and her cheeks were stained with tears. Her hair considerably longer than someone’s who was well kept, or sane. “Laaaaaaaady. Laaaaaaaady. Cooooooome on out an’ play wit meeeee.” She screamed out, calling his name in vain. “JERMERY!!!”

Two months earlier:

The door slammed behind him and the sun beat down on his face. His hat lay perfectly on his head. This was Jeremy Hires, and young man on the prowl “so to speck.”
“Mornin’ Ma’man.” He tipped his hat to the passing woman. His walk was graceful and overpowering. A man with an ego, with confidence, with self worth. He had never seemed to stammer, or stutter but he’s never seen a girl like Jennifer. Beauty, true beauty had not been bestowed into his life, yet.
He was visiting his father at the country club when he first laid eyes on her. Jennifer, whom also was visiting her father, blindly ran into him.
“I’m so sorry sir.” She glanced up into his eyes. A smile met both of their faces.
“No, it was my fault.” Jeremy once again tipped his hat. “The name’s Jeremy.” She blushed while introducing herself. What wasn’t known at the time was Jennifer’s large psychiatric problems, of which she was heavily medicated for.
“I don’t normally do this, but would you like to get a drink with me.” Jeremy was lying through his teeth, for that was his greatest pick up line. Now Jennifer wasn’t supposed to drink, but something about Jeremy made her forget.
“Of course… I mean.. Sure, why not.” She was fighting not to show her true attraction to this man she had just met.

The bar was dark, probably not the best place to take a first date but I doubt either of them cared. The unusuals gave them a dirty glances every once in a while. Too young adults prancing in, in their fancy cloths, and real money. Yet neither of them noticed. They were flirting and playing and falling madly in love with each other. Infatuation is a crazy thing.
“So where are you from?” She asked him. Jeremy loved this girl! Asking about him, he loved talking about himself.
“I’m from all over. Army Brat ya know.” He smiled a superior smile. Her eyes diverted his. Her feelings brought her back to those of a schoolgirl, as he continued rambling about his past.
“I, this. And me that. Blah blah blah blah blah.” She had stopped paying attention. The words faded as she just watched his lips move. Her breaths became deep.
“Well, look at the time.” Her heavenly daze again was broken. “I have to be going. Business meeting.” Again clearly a lie. He just need to keep his mystery. Have her loving him and wanting him, a routine done almost a thousand times… but who’s counting- other than him.

So, the ritual commenced and he walked out with her number. And sadly she waited by the phone. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday she almost gave up. Thursday the phone rang. She ran as fast as she could.
“Hello?” She said trying to catch her breath.
“Hi, its Jeremy… are you in the middle of something, I can call back.”
“No! No, I’m fine.”
“So, would you like to go out tomorrow night?” Her heart dropped as he spoke. She answered a quick yes.
Now a normal girl would call her girlfriends and rant and rave about how great this guy is, but she didn’t really have friends. She really didn’t talk to anyone outside her family and even that was a rare occasion. Maybe her loneliness spawned the love at first sight, or maybe it was just cupid’s magic but Jeremy Hires was all she thought about. His eyes, his body, their first meeting played over and over in her mind. Jeremy Hires…. it was over before it began. With all the thought over this one man she almost forgot all about her medication. Now let me explain. If Jennifer fell off her medication, things would not turn out so well. She could miss it once, maybe twice every once in a while, but missing three-day’s worth of piles would surly drive her insane. But it would have to be three consecutive days as well.

The next night, Jennifer stood at her door fully dressed up as Jeremy’s car pulled into the driveway. His hair was combed the same as the last time. A blue sports jacket lay perfectly on his shoulders.
“Hi there sweetie.” Her heart pumped when she heard his voice again.
“Hi.” She blushed and swallowed hard. He walked up to where she stood and held his hand out for hers. As soon as they touched, she was in heaven. He lifted her hand slowly afterwards and kissed it lightly.
“It’s a pleasure to see you again Jennifer.” Her name never sounded to good. The bass in his voice made her shake.
Soon they were off his in car driving though town. He talked and talked telling her stories. I don’t know how much she cared but nothing at the time seemed more important. Soon they were at his favorite restaurant. Soon sets were taken at his favorite table. He snapped his fingers for a waiter.
“We’ll have two steaks, medium rare.” He spoke down to the waiter. “That’s good with you Jen?”
Jennifer stuttered. “I’m a vegetarian. Sort of. And call me Jennifer.” She smiled proud she could put together a full sentence.
“Ahh.. You need some meat on your bones anyway Jen.” He looked again at the waiter. “And a bottle of your best wine. That’ll be all.”
Jennifer was tore. Her body didn’t react very well to meat while on the medication, but could she tell him about her problem? Would he be freaked out and not want to see her? She couldn’t have that so she bit her tongue and decided he was worth it. But what most people don’t realize is that Jeremy was just as much in love with Jennifer as Jennifer was with Jeremy. He cared for her, but his actions were just dictated by the type of person he was.
Jennifer sat there waiting for conversation to begin. Waiting for him maybe to spark an interest in her life and as a question. After ten minutes of awkward silence she realized that wasn’t that case.
“So…” She tried to break the stillness.
“So…” He smiled back. He as well was waiting for her to ask a question.
The night soon ended, and nothing was resolved. Yet still their love prevailed and a second date happened. And then a third, and fourth. These two were the hottest couple in town.
One spring afternoon, the two were walking in his favorite park.
“Hey Jen.” She still detested that he called her Jen! “You should move in with me this weekend.”
What would she do? She’d finally have to confess her problems. But she still didn’t want to lose him. “Sure.” Her voice shook inside her.
Recently she had been missing more and more piles trying to keep it a secret. Her late nights with Jeremy left her confused and in pain. For once, this night she lay in her own bed, alone. This was the last time that something like this would happen so she was trying to enjoy herself. But something wasn’t right. Her mind raced and couldn’t focus. She tried watching T.V.
“Tonight- on the channel 5 News.”
She slouched under her pillow. “Laaaaaaady.” Her head popped up and her body stood erect. She took deep breaths.
“It was just the T.V.” She thought. With that she turned it off and tried again to relax in peace.
“Cooooome here.” The voice snapped at her. She looked around. No one was in sight. Her breaths changed from a nervous heavy to a panicky gasps. As fast as she could she ran to the bathroom. Catching her breath at the mirror. “LAAAADY!!”
“NOOOOOO!!” She yelled into the silence. Quickly she took a vile out from the medicine cabinet. She downed two piles, hoping that maybe it will catch her up. Jennifer’s body fell to ground. She lay huddled into a circle crying his name. “Jeremy…” She never felt so alone.
She woke up the next day with the sound of angry knocking. A muffled voice was heard in the background. Still scarred from last night she strobed the area with her eyes. The voice was soon realized to be the one of Jeremy. Looking in the mirror, being as how she had slept on the bathroom floor, she was mattered. She wasn’t sure if she could open the door to Jeremy like this. But a relief of love came over her. He loved her, why would he care if she looked like this now: it was the morning.
“Where the hell are ya?!” the voice grew louder. Broken from thought Jennifer rushed down to open the door.
“Good morning Jeremy.” She smiled and thanked god she was still alive to see him after the attack of last night.
Jeremy’s eyes went up and down her body. In a voice of disgusted she spoke. “What are you doing? Get dressed. Have you looked in the mirror? Hurry up.” Jennifer’s eyes looked at the ground before him as she slightly pushed her out of the way to get inside.
Jennifer’s artwork decorated the place. His judgmental eyes looked at everything. “What a lovely house.” A sarcastic tone was taken.
“Well, my..” She stopped herself. The truth was her therapist told her to do the art to work out problems, but she couldn’t tell him that.
“Well what Jenny?”
Jenny?! She gathered her courage. “Call me Jennifer. Okay?”
He smiled at her with caring eyes. “Sorry Jen. Didn’t know that bothered you. So go get dressed babe.” She took deep breaths, centering herself. Remembering how lucky she felt to be with him.
“Okay honey.” She rushed back upstairs.
The two were going to meet his parents today. He never asked to see hers; I don’t even think he knew where she grew up. But she was his now. Soon they’d be living together and his life would be perfect.

Around two hours later they found themselves driving through the country. The wind in their face as the convertible turned into the long dirt driveway. They pulled up to the biggest house Jennifer had ever seen.
“Wow.” She half thought and half said. Jeremy looked at her wondering what she had mumbled but then his own thoughts took hold.
“Here we are.” Acknowledging the reality of the situation.
“I figured as much.” She answered with a smirk.
Jeremy’s face grew hard. “Hey, you watch that when we’re inside. I don’t want you to embarrass me in front of my parents. I trust you, which is why I’m bringing you here. Understand that Jenny?”
She didn’t have to guts to correct him on the name after that speech. “I was just playing Jeremy. Sorry.” She looked at her feet as she nervously played with them.
“Its okay Jenny. Don’t worry you little head about it.” His voice went back to the loving voice she was used to.

The house opened up on a large Living room. Fancy art, large couches, everything big, everything luscious. Nothing like what Jennifer grew up with, not like Jeremy knew this.
“Hullo!” A large man, only the size of this man would fit the size of this house.
Jeremy answered with a large hello right back. They hugged and he introduced Jennifer. As, of course, Jenny.
“You can call me Jennifer.” She spoke meekly.
“Oh, don’t be silly girl. I wouldn’t want to call you something you didn’t like. We don’t have to be formal here. You can call me Paps.” He chuckled to himself in his own delight. “Oh, before I forget, you have to meet your knew mother Jeremy. HE HE HE.” He laughed hard. Jennifer became confused. New mother?
A small woman came out, no older than Jennifer herself. She was wearing next to nothing and had an awful look on her face.
She smiled at them and introduced herself. “My name is Amy.” Her voice was soft and beat.
Jeremy’s father walked over to her and slapped her in the ass. “Go get us some food babe.” He smiled at her and she faked a smile back.
“Jenny, maybe you want to go help, ya know make your self familiar with the kitchen, we may be staying here a day or two.” This came as a surprise to her. She wasn’t informed that they would be stay. She would have brought cloths, and of course her piles. Again now her mind went mad as she followed the little blonde into the kitchen.

They entered a white tile room. The kitchen was state of the art, but it didn’t seem to matter.
“Jenny’s the name right?” Amy’s mouth barely moved as she spoke.
“Its Jennifer.” She smiled hoping someone would use her real name.
“Well the boss said its Jenny, so I say its Jenny. In this house you do what he says.” The boss? Why would she refer to her new husband as the boss? She didn’t dare ask. Just smiled and nodded along with whatever she said. This woman seemed scarred of everything, and something else that no one, including Jennifer could put her finger on it.
“Take this into the boys Kay?” Jennifer was handed a plate with two sandwiches. It was turkey. Jennifer knew Jeremy wasn’t the biggest fan of turkey but it was his father’s favorite. It was him that he took after.
Jennifer walked into the room where Jeremy and Paps talked. They roared and laughed telling stories of themselves. Talking about when Jeremy was younger, and the things they did. Jennifer walked up trying to interrupt them so she can give them the food but they didn’t notice her.
At least five minutes later Paps began. “Where my food boy?”
“Right here.” Jennifer finally interrupted successfully.
The two men smiled. She handed out the sandwiches and turned around when suddenly she felt Jeremy hit her as his father had hit Amy. Jennifer jumped in surprise at the tap from behind. That was the first of Jeremy’s attempts to impress his father. That’s what Jennifer had figures out. His whole life, including his relationship was based on impressing his father, but still why didn’t that make it any easier for her to break free. Something about men like Jeremy and his father had something that scarred you straight. Men and women alike wouldn’t dare cross paths with them when not on friendly terms. Amy and Jennifer had much in common but her problems were deeper and longer than Jennifer’s so she wasn’t even able to form a sentence about them. This frightened Jennifer more. If Jeremy had found out about her problems would he be violent, and instead of leaving her, try to deny it until they both were sickly and insane? Thoughts like this ran over and over in her mind as she spoke to Amy in the kitchen. They ate leftovers, from nights before. There wasn’t many, if you remember the size of Paps. Now she felt as if she was a house pet, eating the fat that wasn’t good enough for the “masters.”




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