man

by z

Posted to Stories on 2001-08-22 05:23:00

Parent message is 28963
i’ve only got one critical thing to say about the whole thing, and it’s just technical, about making it flow more smoothly, in the first paragragh, where you say he woke up, and then you give his number/name, you should make the transition smoother somehow, tie it in. On the whole though, i thought it was a pretty cool story.