unspoken goodbyes (pc)

by weezer

Posted to Stories on 2002-12-04 18:26:00


The snow had already picked up and now through the densely populated forest Jack could see clumps of heavy snow, fall from branches that couldn’t hold the weight of the flakes. Whistling could be heard from afar as the train came trudging through the heavy snow towards its final destination. He could imagine all the black and whites moving through the train languidly now, making their way home after a long day in the grueling city, but right now Jack was far away from that, or at least it seemed that way. The whistle was the only sound that brought him back to reality, because without that for all he knew he could have been deep inside arcadia national park making his was towards the peak of some vast mountain range just at the edge of the tree line. He could picture a mountain lion stealthily making its way through the snow, each step made so elegantly as it moved closer towards it’s prey, a white puff-tail rabbit perched on a fallen tree that’d been gilded with snow. But this wasn’t so, for in reality Jack stood in the middle of what was of left of the towns forest, if he were to go 300 yards in any direction he would find himself thrown back into the turbid town, with old clunker cars making their way through the salted roads towards the middle of the washed out village.
Usually it would seem futile to venture into those woods, even a bit absurd, but with the snow it transformed the shrinking forest into a land of mystery, where with a half dozen steps in, you were lost in the midst of white and gray. When Jack went into those woods everything that had been tormenting him vanished, as if stepping into that pure white snow relinquished him of some burden, each step was a stride towards something better and greater, and some days during storms he would even find himself walking those woods endlessly; making a path that brought him just paces from where the purity was tied off by the retched town, but then turned off away from the roads. He’d spend hours during those storms looping through the woods, following the footprints that had been filled in with a new layer of fresh powder, but he’d do anything to keep his mind busy, even if it did mean walking the same worn out path over an over again. To him it didn’t really matter, the snow set something into him, maybe it was the sparkle, that glint that came off of the snow when the sun finally rose that made him feel the way he did, as if he could conquer anything, or maybe it was just the feeling of knowing, even as childish as it might be, that these woods could be anywhere, because were these woods like this during the heat of summer? Did the town have that same feeling when the flooding came in March? No other season was as unique and mysterious as winter, maybe it was the fact that no other season could bear such weather that could skew the perception of the town, whether the snow would melt or not, the town seemed elegant, almost as if the snow had instilled some sort of glamour and demeanor that gave the look of a upper middle class village, and even if this appearance would last only a few months, it was something that was held onto.
Jack knelt down into the snow and took off his glove, combing his bare hand through the new layer of powder that had fallen. Even though it was cold, and his hand shook from the frigid weather he seemed far away from it, he felt nothing, his hands were numb, but that wasn’t the reason for this. Night was looming now, and the pure white flakes that feel soon turned a creamy gray, matching that of the skies backdrop. It was time to leave, that’s why he felt nothing, he feared his departure, he feared leaving this place, for when he did then he would be vulnerable to what lurks past the perimeter of the forest, for these woods were like a sanctuary to him. With sunken eyes Jack let the last of the powder trickle off the palm of his hand and walked somberly through the woods, straying from the well-cut path that he’d walked most of the day; his hand was still bare.
The snow seemed less peaceful as he moved now, each flake pushed down on him, collecting on his back as he walked slower now, trying to savor the few fleeting minutes left of his time in the woods. At the edge of the woods he turned, looking back towards the now dark forest, it looked less peaceful, as if it had drastically changed; without the sunlight it looked as if there were dangerous creatures lurking in the those dark quarters. The trees shook as the wind hit it with its brutal force, sending branches dancing, then plummeting to the depths of darkness. These woods were no place to reflect or retreat to at night, he thought to himself as he turned, taking the last few steps leading out of the woods.
With two steps from where Jack had turned, he found himself stepping onto solid ground. It was as if he had come out from nowhere, he looked back towards the woods expecting to see his wonderland, but it was nothing but frayed branches and browned snow, dirtied from the salt and grim from the street. Jack walked faster now as he made his way through the streets, there was nothing to savor anymore, each sight was anything but beauty, even the snow here couldn’t be beautiful, it’d been ruined by the salt and the snowmen. He laughed at himself as he walked, sweet irony, he thought, even the snowmen, who were supposed to represent love and youth, tainted the snow.
His house stood at the end of the coldisac, even that looked abandoned, he thought to himself. But in truth there was no true feelings in that house, any emotions that were meant to come out never did, and were only pent up adding to the stress. Jacks father had died of a heart attack years ago, and the only thing that’d been left to remind him of his father was an 8 by 12 photo that lay over the fireplace mantel. Smoke was rising from the chimney showing the only signs of life. Jack walked in through the back door and stomped his boots before he came into the living room, his mother was sitting on her rocking chair sewing. She looked so lonely these days, he thought to himself. Since the day his father had died his mother never really was the same, something inside of her closed up when he died, and even though his father and her fought often, it was in that fighting that there love laid. For hours on end they would argue just for the sake of arguing, but after his father passed, she shriveled up, and spent the majority of her days sitting on her grandmothers old rocking chair sewing, as if there was nothing better to do than knit. She had sunken eyes, as if she had been crying for a while, there was even a sign of red on her cheeks. Jack felt for her sometimes, just seeing those eyes made him shiver, he could feel her pain, it was as if for the first few seconds as he glimpsed into her eyes, he could see what she felt, and it terrified him.
For the past years there hadn’t been much communication between the two, they shared conversations while they ate together, but other than that it was as if they didn’t exist to each other. As Jack walked through the living room his mother looked up from her sewing, the swelling under her eyes was apparent now, she didn’t hide it.
“Oh Jack, where have you been?”
She looked on waiting for his response. Jack looked back at her, but refused to make eye contact with her, but merely looked passed her, coping out.
“I went for a walk ma. You know into the woods.”
Jack looked down as he said it, he knew he shouldn’t have said that, he regretted once it came out. When it snowed like this years ago, before he was born yet, his mother and father would got for walks as he did, or at least that’s what he had been told by his mother, the stories told from his mother about those woods during a snow storm sounded so magical, that’s what first attracted him. He had totally forgotten. His mother’s eyes dropped slightly as she went on, seemingly indifferent.
“ohh? It’s mighty cold out there, were you warm enough?”
She’d changed the subject on him; relieved by this Jack went on, this time with lighter breath.
“yea mom, I was warm enough.”
A smile broke on his mothers face, it seemed so somber to him, he wished he could really talk to her, but he knew it could never happen, it was too late now.
“good Jack…..Oh yea Jack. The snow really collected up on the roof, could you go up and shovel it off tomorrow for me dear?”
Jack smiled back now,
“yeah sure mom.” Jack went to walk away, but then stopped, and turned back towards his mother again.
“you know what ma, I’ll take care of it now while the snow is still fresh.”
Jack walked back towards the garage and started to lace up his boots preparing to go outside.
“oh that’ll be wonderful Jack, but be careful, it’s getting dark now, watch out for the sunroof up there, alright?”
The mother looked on, starring at where she imagined Jack was standing in the garage waiting for his response, but no noise came except for the rattling from the garage door as it sputtered then opened.
The wind howled outside sending the powder from the ground swelling into the air sending fresh swells of air with each breath he took. Snow towered above him on his roof piling at least 3ft high, the last bit of light left from the day fell stagnant on the snow, giving not a gleam, but blunt stale light, which was gray and heavily tainted. Jack reluctantly climbed the latter perched on the side of the house, taking each step hesitantly making sure that each foot was planted and fastened to the metal. On the roof the weather seemed to be much harsher, the wind was at a gale now, and threatened to toss Jack off the roof with each gust that swept over the roof. Each step he took was cautious, for each time he planted his foot, crackling was heard spreading under his feet as the wood bent to hold the weight of him and the snow.
With each foot planted steadily Jack began to shovel off the top layers of the snow, scooping the snow then throwing it off the side of the roof where it disappeared into the darkness. Section after section Jack threw load after load off the side of the roof, and slowly made his way to the top of the roof. The creaking and bending increased as he made his way up, sending shooting shivers up his spine. He took one last step up towards the peak of the roof but then stopped fast, he heard a noise but it wasn’t the creaking, it was more sharp and high-pitched, he listened on, and soon realized what that sound was, but it was too late. The sunroof shattered under Jacks feet sending him falling into the living room, breaking the rocking chair on impact. Jack looked around fast and called out his moms voice faintly, waiting for her to answer back, but there was nothing. Slowly Jack stood up feeling shooting pain race through his body, but the pain stopped abruptly as he turned. His mother lay motionless, her head toppled to right, hear neck was broken, she mustn’t of felt a thing. He looked down on her and felt the swelling come to his face, but it subsided as he looked on. Snow still fell from the open sunroof, and with the pure white snow around her sweet frail body she looked like an angel. A smile was still delicately placed on her face.


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