so what happens now?….

by arielWN

Posted to Stories on 2004-04-22 06:03:00

What do you do when you wake up and you’re 32, and you still don’t know who you are? I’ve been trying to figure that out over the past few weeks. I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse, but looking like i’m an eternal teenager has brought me nothing but teenage wanton heartbreak. Finding love at 30 and believing in the possibility of a lifelong companion, one can find (her)self falling for Romeo-type romance. The dreams of youth, and cliche’ cliche’!

What was I thinking? A thirty year old woman falling in love with a nineteen year old boy? It used to be that the “epidemic” was of older men taking on younger and younger wives. Now it’s older women taking on younger men, as either mates or spouses.

A boy once looking into my eyes and saying, “I’ll never love another, nor want for another”, and my silly ass falling for it when in the next breath (few months later) he says, “I hate you and your wrinkley old ass!” I only have myself to kick. But we ladies know that when our surface beauty begins to fade, it becomes a test to see if our inner beauty is enough to keep him interested. That’s when we usually find out whether or not he really loved us, or whether it was just a tempory phase of lust. I, unfortunately, incurred the latter.

This not technically a creative story, but a writer confessing a true life (classic) drama that she must deal with before she can write gracefully again. I hope you don’t mind

“So what happens now?” is the question I have recently asked myself. I’m turning 32, have a 21 year old husband who loathes me, and I’m shamefully still in love with him heart and soul. I had deleted all of my previous programs and prepared for a new program designed for family life. Now, I am left once more with a clean slate I didn’t want, and wondering who “__________” is this girl? Blah blah blah!

A sordid past…I see that alot of people resort to the past, past habits and relations…but that all was born of a spirit that flew away like a butterfly in Spring.

The most boring stories sometimes are the ones of our own lives. But then again, the most awe-inspiring and stranger-than-fiction tales are spun from the Silk of real life!

I’ll burrow in shadows until I have a new flavor of story to share with you, one that is worth checking out.