yes
by judih.
Posted to Stories on 2004-07-16 21:14:00
Parent message is 681407
when at the beginning, you say that his eyes are staring listlessly – there’s still a glimmer of life there.
perhaps, cut the listlessly and leave the eyes staring.
the rest works. The end tells us he’s cold.
Whatever re-write you do, i trust you implicitly, jam
judih