yes

by judih.

Posted to Stories on 2004-07-16 21:14:00

Parent message is 681407
when at the beginning, you say that his eyes are staring listlessly – there’s still a glimmer of life there.

perhaps, cut the listlessly and leave the eyes staring.

the rest works. The end tells us he’s cold.
Whatever re-write you do, i trust you implicitly, jam

judih

The Literary Kicks message boards were active from 2001 to 2004.