okay, this is a true story and i don’t know you people so

by Lizard beats

Posted to Utterances on 2001-06-06 01:12:00

Parent message is 4900
I can tell it to you. There was this one time a couple of years ago that I had hit rock bottom w/ my manic depression and I went over to a friends house to be w/ someone. I was starting to feel like I was all alone inside my head and I needed to hear a voice. Well any way, another guy came over that I didn’t really know and he had a vial of liquid acid w/ him. I asked him if I could get some even though I knew I wasn’t in the right mind-set to trip and I ended up buying half the bottle. I went home and put on a doors c.d. and poured myself a glass of wine and dumped it all in there (just as an experiment) I put on my doors greatest hits c.d. closed my eyes and next thing I knew I was in a mental hospital w/ a straight Jacket. I was seeing everything in black and white. I thought maybe I’d died and gone to hell. There was this little camera up in the corner of the room and it was really starting to freak me out and thats all I remember for a while. Next thing I woke up for a few seconds, still black and white and they were putting an i.v. in me. I fell back asleep and had this dream or vision that there was a demon standing over me it looked like a sexless mix between my father and a snake w/ long razor-scalpel-things for hands kinda like freddy. Anyway he/it slit my stomach open and pulled out this jar w/ a large dead butterfly in it and I remember thinking OH NO NOT MY SOUL and I tried to scream but there was no noise and then he/it sorta looked up at me and grinned and then this in slow motion-he/it dropped the jar and it shattered on the floor-Iwoke up and stayed awake for days but can’t really remember any of it. I was sent a letter of the police report and I guess I was running around naked in the street in the middle of the night shouting obscenities and incoherent ramblings. I was charged w/ indescent exposure and pleaded insane and got off w/ a 500 dollar fine. I’ve been institionalized a few more times since then and still feel insane but slightly sane. I quit doing acid though. I smoke ridiculously large amounts of pot now and seem to be able to write better when in an ‘insane’ state. My insanity is memories that sneak up and haunt me. My insanity is darkness and never sleeping. My insanity is me. Nothing serious though. Just manic depression and stuff like that. But I refuse to take meds for it anymore. That shit turned me into a mindless zombie. Anti-depressants are thought suppressants in my opinion. Well, anyway, Im rambling. I just wanted to tell a story….Peace….D.A.