fictitious conversation #3

by doreen peri

Posted to Utterances on 2003-08-21 12:49:00

“One day I woke up and my ass had disappeared.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, I woke up in the morning and checked and it was gone. My ass. It wasn’t there any more”

“Hey, lady. That’s nuts! Asses just don’t up and disappear!”

“Mine did.”

“Oh yeah? Where did it go?”

“Hell if I know but I sure would like to have it back.”

“Oh, come on! You’re kidding me! You mean this just happened overnight? Your ass disappeared overnight?

“No. I don’t know how long it took to disappear. I don’t know if it happened overnight or if it took a week or a month or a year or how long it took.”

“Good grief. How could you not notice a thing like that?”

“I don’t know. I guess I never thought to keep track of my ass. It’s not like I’m looking at it every day, you know. Do you look at your ass every day?”

“No. Of course not. I can’t see it. It’s behind me.”

“Exactly. Let this be a warning to you.”

“A warning? About what?”

“Keep an eye on yours. This could happen to you, too.”

“Lady, that’s too funny. That’s really asinine.”

“No, it’s not. If it happened to me, it could happen to anybody. So be careful. It’s an asset.”

“Yes, I’ll agree with you on that.”

“Good. Now you’re thinking.”

“Of course. I’m always thinking.”

“Good! I wasn’t thinking about it. That was the problem. So I didn’t pay attention and then one morning I woke up and it was gone.”

“What was gone? You weren’t thinking? Was your mind gone?”

“Oh no! Did that disappear, too? Dammit.”