Bryan,

by Holden

Posted to Utterances on 2003-12-26 11:39:00

Parent message is 569754
I often wish I was an orphan. Although I love adn care baout my family, I would love to be free from everyone, becuase Im not. I didnt get to choose my family, so Im forced to simply accept them. We are emotionaly connected, and I cannot say what is on my mind freely, because I know it will hurt their feelings.

When I was a little kid we would go to my Ants house and the whole ride my parents would curse and say how much they couldnt stand her. Then when we go tthere they were hugs and kisses and fake voices. I would ask them why we went if they hated it so much, and they would say “because we have to”
When my relatives call my parents will often tell me to make an excuse up why they cant talk. This is pointless in my opinion. I am brutally honest with my brother and sister and cant imagine not talking honestly to them.

My father is a ultra-republican pyschoopath. Beofre Christmas dinner he told everyone how he predicts that there will be a civil war in our country where we kill all the liberals, aka, traitors. We then talked about how there was going to be a “black holocaust/gay/holocaust”, he felt this holocaust woudl be created by the democrats after they make us become communists, because communists have no use for minorities.
The sad thing is he doesnt even drink, anymore.

In the morning I was getting ready to go to the store. I was wearing these slippers I have that are duck tapped. My mom says “You cant waer those, go get shoes”. I told her “I’ll probally get into an accident on the way there and die; So whats the point anyways?” This infuriates her.

The problem is people cant see things in our eyes, and they dont want to. People have alot of problems and must of them hate their lives, and the holidays force us all to put on these fake smiles, like everything is A O FUCKING K., when it really is not.

The first thing I do is stuff my pockets with candy at relatives houses, hasnt changed since I was 6 years old.

They ask me what college Im going to. “I havent decided yet”, I say.

I got alot mroe to say to you Bryan, I gotta respond to yuour last email also, I cant say how mush I see eye to eye with you.