Litkicks Message Board Archive

Daddy Left (Please critique)

Posted to Poetry




Daddy left, and now I’m abandoned with dry tears on my cheek,
They fell from the start but finally they have dried
White, hard and flaky, they run down to my mouth

Daddy left, and I watched as he walked away,
With a hunched defeated slouch, he vanished.
Left me to weep, and suffer in a pool of sorrow
Lost, sad and sulking, but no tears.
Mom says the tears don’t come because I wasted them all on nothing
Wasted dry and distant I grope, heaving sighs, sobbing dust.
My face is a dried orange peel that has no emotion.
It was once open and lively but now is hard and simple, holds one sad shape
Sits and rots as time pass’s it by slow and agonizing.
My emotion was sucked dry and left shapeless
Now I’m left in a slow dismal rock, teeter-tottering towards disaster

Daddy left and now mom can laugh.
She was once so pale, so weak with stress, so plain and struck with boredom,
But now she laughs her wickedly cackle,
She won the battle that she waged, and I’m left in the prison
Stuck, abandoned by my crew, left to rot and wither.
Left starving of energy, deprived of love, lost of innocence.
All that’s left of his presence, his love are memories,
Distant arguments and tear stained pictures, shrewd screams,

I still remember the time when they hid the arguments from me,
Hidden in a deep dark whisper,
Not a whisper of love, but of pent up hatred,
A whisper so dark that it ruined me, left me confused and hidden.
Running through a thick black cloud of anger and hatred
I had to dodge the lightening, hurdle the tornadoes,
But I guess I slipped up along the way and the secret exploded
It ripped open and led to our fall.

Daddy left, and it’s all my fault.