Litkicks Message Board Archive

A Poison (please critique)

Posted to Poetry




I see this faint reflecting light out of a window across the way.
It glimmers and skips a beat, flickering in the dark
Hopping through till light, showing no end, no ceasing.
I find relief in this and yet sudden anger, a retreating rage
This sudden burst of boredom,
It retracts, and then pumps to the top, leaving me restless, bubbling with rage.
Each time the light flickers, my mind races to keep up.

I hit things, pound them till the feeling rushes up to greet me,
Shocking waves of protruding pain, flashing lights of agony,
I’m getting somewhere now.
I’ve penetrated this drunken barrier and I’m spinning
Lost and twirling and fumbling as my knees buckle and the floor reaches me.
Greets me with its sticky smell of stale piss

I sat and watched as people walked away, they found distant relief in my pain
A fleeting plateau of relaxation, a lost vibrant buzz
The pain shoots through them and gets them high, leaves them tired
My ego and my world is sucked up and dried out by the scum.
They crowded me in the corner and ravaged my mind, stole my soul
Left me in a pile of lost ambitions, far from the beer even further from the weed
Lost and tangled in my own mess I lay and looked on.
Saw each lonely person drinking their problems away.
Each sip brought an untied relationship of an intentionally lost past.

The people vanished into a lost reality
And I watched with blurred weary eyes that squinted in the morning light
They stumbled in their drunken light, fought for a good position
Lost themselves in the wake of a new morning,
The heat of a new day, that shown through with its bronze tint.
They couldn’t breath the clear untainted air, and gasped for their poison.
But none was in sight on this clear desolate road.

The only thing left to do was walk their troubles away.