Litkicks Message Board Archive

A lost Religion (please Critique)

Posted to Poetry

The song rang true with excitement and force
I shed a tear and wept a century
Looking forth among others who swayed and bobbed in the mass
Rippled and fell like a swelling sea.

My eyes glinted with the glossy undertone of a pure moment.
Undiseased and built to the top with emotion
Let lose into a sea of united people.
Foggy blue and immaculate, sketched in stone, stored for decades
Leaving us purple with excitement
Blue with the fury.



My head shrinks and pulsates when I’m depraved
Left to shake and hold myself.
Bold with rage,
Gilded with gold
I find the swelling receding, opening in the center
Filing out the doors, leaving me isolated in the arena
Alone, I sit watching with ere silence
I fell banished by the people
Ostracized by the Klan

Forgive me for my sin!
I have meant no harm in what I’ve done
I come to live a life of uncertainty.
Relinquish my sins and cleanse my spoiled body.
I’ve left the path of the chosen, hiked the hills of the past.
The cliffs only led me further into sin
Lured me to the beauty of the mountains, but such beauty was deceiving.

I ran for cover, hid amongst the rocks.
The smell of rot came on suddenly festering and stagnant
Led me away from the hills and into the ocean, were I swam.
You tried to beat me with your force, pumble me with your rage
You weakened my body tested my endurance

I yelled out to you begging and pleading
“Help me! Don’t let me die like this!”
But you only washed me further out to sea
Left me wallowing in my own sorrow, my own fury

You left me!
Let me drift out with the infidels
Watched as I suffered and boiled with rage
Why have you forsaken me?