a too long rambling of girl imperfection
"don't you know me?
don't you know me by now?"--anon. street poet
today i stood in front of the mirror,
and almost wrote you
and asked you not to come.
the bottom line, i fear,
is that i can love you infinitely
because there is nothing about me to love.
i, as a girl as a human as a thing
i can give you mountains of words
written to bring flameglow to your cheeks.
i can turn a room of your first night "home"
into a different world entirely.
i can do almost anything.
i cannot morph myself into static beauty.
i fear you will slide my shirt
off my shoulders
and look away
because i am flawed, imperfect
different than your fantasy.
i fear you will lay behind me
chasing sleep from your dreams
how do i get away?
on that thursday when i am standing in front of you
i will beg for you to see me.
this tangible outside
is just the shell which holds the girl
the one who has called you
on the wings of
i will beg you with tears
in my eyes
please see past this flawed exterior
and see inward
because i feel
i love you already
and hold you in my hands
like this beautiful sea glass
that was found by a mere walking rambler.
i realize i am negating you,
underestimating your ability to know me
showing my bias of men and their affinity
for beautiful women.
but my sweet sweet you,
if you only knew
how moonglow perfect i see you
your face resting on the pillow next to me
you would know
how when i measure my weaknesses,
my lack of luster
my too wide hips
i wonder if you'll ever look at me
the way i already look at you.
god i wonder.
and i am so afraid.