Litkicks Message Board Archive

The contents of my notebook

Posted to Utterances




Well, let me preface this by saying that two Thanksgiving's ago I started writing my thoughts down in my notebook on a train from Windsor to Toronto to visit my parents. I could't even tell you why I started, but I took out my then strictly poetry notebook and started philosophizing in a scrambled short-hand that I figured no one would ever read but me. Two years and several notebooks later I'm still doing this and it really feels like I'm getting somewhere. I have no idea where that is, or how far away from it I still am, but I have a wealth of personal thoughts and outlined essays to use to inspire myself or whatever else I can possibly come up with to do with them.

I thought it was time I broke my self-imposed silence, as it were, since I'm curious about what other people think about the topic I went off on tonight: identity. So, without further ado, I started with plans for a as-of-yet-untitled poem under the heading "voice"...

voice: a chant, individualism. not reversal of the dominant but rather alternative, come in from a different perspective rather than diverging outwards into one (more naturalistic this way anyway). repetition since life is repetitious, w/ attention to moments in time. an invitation to same (own perspective). thematic heir to "Fast Speaking Woman" but in life/action rather than sort of definitions. about voice, not me -- "who am I" is an impossible question. communication is output & that which recieves it -- invitation to REALLY recieve.

*how often do we really recieve one another? what they give knowingly or not?

identity as what you recieve rather than what you ARE/roles you fulfill.

(if it's cold outside don't shiver, let yourself be cold.)

recieving everything (or at least lots of varied, even "strange" things) isn't a matter of not being yourself since you're not BEING anything in experiencing them. this includes other people.

like with the cubicle doodle [I had drawn a grid earlier in the notebook, each box with a little person in it like with office cubicles, then talked about how it's a great image but you'd never experience an entire room of cubicles from the top like that in real life], you CAN'T experience the whole system (as with America, Afganistan, a whole people/race, ideological following, etc., etc., etc.) you can only experience what you, yourself, have come into contact w/. No one has experienced AMERICA, HUMANITY, etc.!

my PLACE is to intake and to live, nothing else. my niche is where I find myself. this is totaly at odds with a belief that there is an outside mold to fill! is this an alternative? it's simple, but that is the point!

life is how we choose to experience it. --> this why buddhism considers everything an illusion? what's there sometimes has little to do w/ how we experience it, expecially when it comes to other people.