Litkicks Message Board Archive

metallic smell

Posted to Poetry

how is it
that I miss the smell

that musty metallic smell-
that used to come from myself
once a month

since they took it all away
I’ll never have that again
not ever again

in place of it comes
the heat spells
and the estrogen pills

they took it all
I’m trying to tell you

I’ll never have the ability
to reproduce
even if the condom breaks
or slips off
no surprises with this girl

I used to think
until the opportunity
to have the choice
was taken away

I miss that musty metallic smell

my smell
that unique smell
that belonged only to me

the smell of my blood
my uterus wall
its glorious unused eggs

when I was 12
I caught them
on a pad that stuck
to my underwear
“with wings”

when I was 13
I tried using tampons
a girl I knew
tried to show me
at a slumber party

a little how to session
if you will

come to find out
I didn’t need them
as the bleeding stopped
at an early age

upon my first visit
to the doctor
he insisted upon
the operation
that took it all

and here I sit
missing that smell
that let me know
I was feminine
that metallic smell
of the blood
that could have made me
a mother