Litkicks Message Board Archive

the sun seeps

Posted to Action Poetry

in through glasses
with symbolism of religion
wonderin what mine is
knowin my beliefs but
not if they are true
felt God kiss my cheek once
as i layed in suicide attempt
my body sprawled out on the floor
of my drop cloth
next to my eisel
i could smell the vanilla
incenses i burn'd mixin with
the bloody cigarette butts
starin into glow in the dark stars
with the lights dimmed
to add more ambience
to the scenery
my head turns to my wall
the one i painted
with human figures
in charcoal ashes
callin for my form
to be plaster'd among theirs
i feel my life drainin out
of my wrists
as if a stream
on that mountain we hiked
when josh and i were little
tears mingle with blood
as i cringe and close vision
wantin it all to end
be with my father
the one i knew
can't say i ever met
the one whom grew me
from his own groin
plantin me inside olga
like a little pill
to grow with time
and there i layed askin
"why can't my life be easy?"
know the ignorance my mouth
and my mind were creatin
no one there
not even the maids
to find me locked up
in secluded youth
tryin to find purposes
on the radio is natalie merchant
when she was a maniac
talkin bible verse with
noah's dove, stockholm something
i know i need to live
i know i can't do this
to my family, my friends
so i cry
i cry til my eyes swell
into over ripe strawberries
squashed in between my fingers
how i pray for release
not in artistic ways but
physical, to be answer'd
by something more
tellin me
"it'll be alright avery,
i promise as long as you
try, it'll be alright."
i know it isn't easy
even unbearable
but i know it'll be alright
from now on
slowly i get up
and look at my hands, wrists
cover'd in charcoal and red
i begin to bandage them
feelin weak from
so much fluid lost
i take up my vodka and
begin to write