poeticish rambling? yeah..
id like to think its my lack of interest that keeps me up here all night, online, away from work, anything to keep me away.. away from that ridiculous shit i wont ever use, that i cant see why i would, that i wanted to in the first place,
yes, id like to get outta this place, to erase almost two yrs of useless, frustrating times, that were supposed to be the best in my life, and here i am, sitting here at 2 am, thinking what have i done? how have i used that long string of one obstacle over another, thats supposedly fun, yes, the best time of my life, i shouldve done more here if it were to have been called fun, its running away from work, trying to have fun, trying to make the best of what ive slowly become, when all i wanted yes, was to have fun, to get away from what i hated, from what i thought was not my destiny, and definitely not where i wanted to be, that dismal, dark place in my head that was my home, the clear, calm water ahead is on my way home where i can run, but he says not to run from things just in my head, i shouldnt run from whats lurking around in my head tho, right? blue skies and cool water are the best things in the world at the beginning of may, the more serene view to begin a day, and im gonna wake up early perhaps one day just to walk to the bay to see what ive been missing when i was out in the mountains for a slightly extended stay, one prolonged til i decided i could no longer stay.. i had to run towards the river to get away from the dismal, once again, frustrating narrow paths going every way into space, those things they come straight outta nowhere, nowhere is where ive found myself today, now i need to stop sounding cliched, yes.. that would be great.. sounding straight outta some bad barnes and noble book, looking like some normal kid straight outta nova getting a bad look from some local kids.. thats not how its gonna be.. the suns gonna go down where id like to be... the suns gonna rise where its gonna be free to run straight into my head, when the moons dead and the suns alive, b/t the horizon and the sea is somewhere life should strive sometimes, at least when the suns out, somethings gotta be clear down below even if nothings showing you where to go..