missed the hand hitting her face
perhaps its sad when i cant or dont want to fall asleep but i want to write to someone ive never met, and that makes me feel somewhat more comforted, more at peace w/ myself before i fall asleep.. just to hear from someone in that stupid thing online.. yah. thats sad. and perhaps its even sadder that i have no idea who anyone really is, anyone who pretends to be trustworthy is full of shit, anyone who pretends they love me after they fuck me over and over again - again - full of shit,
and most of all - most guys - full of shit
tired of dealing w/ lies, facades, and faces fully dressed in disguise
why? to watch me burn and peel and whither away again?
to see if u can watch me split and clash and drop to another dead low?
to see if u can smack me around and watch me fall from another hard blow?
and watch me pick myself up as easily as i fell down
when i was young, no one was around to see me cry half the time
and half the time i couldnt figure out why
why how and where anyone can ask
they missed it
they missed out on what shit i saw and heard when i was too young to understand
to comprehend what the back of a hand meant on a womans face,
to realize its not right to put her back into "her place"
too young to think that verbal things could replace what actions did
what they did to a womans grace
to see really inside what a man cant confide when hes running to hide for some reason
some reason he cant explain
but hes just gonna keep running and shes never gonna know
see how one after next puts on a quick, matinee show at a quarter to two,
not letting her get close to be the next victim,
perhaps trying to save her somehow,
perhaps trying to give her something smart to do
.. and weezer in the background is ruining this..