Litkicks Message Board Archive

journal entry 10/23/01

Posted to Action Poetry




something i wrote that i just read and am puttin out there spontaneously, although it will be kinda edited, here goes:

here i am all alone, and tired of the crap that flies on wings to my mind and body, demands made on me that are unequalled, i do not want to lose my crow cause they are the only thing i really had to work to earn, i did all that i could for them and i got them without a hitch, from anyone and no one could tell me that i was undeservin, only now, cause of some mistake i made, i can watch them go out with all my motivation and its luggage, i am scared for one of the first times in my life and olga doesn't have her email up for me to run to her and release all this stress to, what am i to do? cry? done that and didn't really help, who is really there for me? no one, everyone is concerned about their own things, their losses and their desires, that is okay cause i am not askin for anything from anyone anymore, i will do it all on my own, by lonesome self, wild animal in the forest of discontent with hallmark'd canine teeth to chew through all the people and their placations of crapola, i can do it, alwyas have been able to handle whatever the dealer throws out to me on the table, and come out alright in the end, i am not totally disabled, i will survive gloria gayner style, heart saddened but still...able to go on with it all cause i am who i am, came through more with me intact, it is just hard but this last one was my doin, my own fault as if i were tryin to cry out to myself, help, went to everyone with it and no one could hear me as i yelled, deaf mute, to them all, so screw them with orange juice and vodka death runs, everyone has all this advice to dish out with the appetizers before hand, but they refuse to eat them cause of the malignant taste that grows inside your mouth aster too much led on silver plated leashes, turnin skin green, so why should i? i can buy something fof 99 cents as jack in the crack, maybe that is what i will do, i hope i can get my truck fixed and out of the impound, everyone thinks that i have all the money and that i can afford anything i want but that is one of the most fallacious synaptic things to pop into those malformed, oxygen deprived nuclei ever, they can go out with retardedness on their right arm and misconception of reality on the other, for a big meal at Denny's and think they are truly eatin something nice and sweet, i have eaten at all those thought about courture places, i know what fork or spoon to use, i would rather cook something for myself than allow the waiter to wait on me like i were some pre emancipation activist and they were my nig on hand, hell, i am feel like a house nig at times, everyone is out for their own be