Litkicks Message Board Archive

la quincenera

Posted to Action Poetry




rememberin the night before and the plans i made, that i no longer want to keep, wanna throw them out like holey socks that comforted my feet during morning runs in the chill sea winds, i attend without mexican tradition instilled in my uncatholic mind, seated between over dressed, shiny shirts and white and baby blue ballons, to match the birthday girls dress, i feel the air cut through my sweater as i eat my food, not exactly sure what it is, puttin salt to add more flavor, i hear foreign tongues with words i recognize from time to time, quince bein the most common, fifteen, born in 1987, makin me feel older than i am, not a decade older, yet...she serves us out of boredom, starin into me as i were her gift, i laugh at her junior high flirtations that she wraps on my fingers as she asks me to dance, i do, awkwardly, i can tell i am american, so can they, half of them is in me but invisible at this point, the girls stare and see a different life, one of clothes with real name brands, markets that are part of national chains, products that are in english, they see what i can offer not who i am, annotated in my mind incase i want to dance later...the night drags, the ceremony begins with a dj, all in spanish, i don't feel part of it, i don't feel any of it, my heritage, to a degree, before me like aliens, illegal to my guess, the stars form out of the strata and i watch four ballons, all blue, go into the air, so bored myself i watch their escape flight into the air, wishin i were aboard one of them, i watch til they disappear into the night clouds and are gone, gone to me forever, rosey's sisters ask me to dance, i decline as ask where the bathroom is...rosey wants to go also, we see the line extend, caterpillar sections wiggling as urination is the common denominator, we decide on an alternate place to relieve ourselves, we walk down the block and see, (thank God) a liquor store, we enter and buy a bottle of jim bean, whiskey, rosey wants to mix it apple juice, i tell her no, we go to piss, and end up buyin several cd's from a street vender, we start back and rosey talks her feelins, i grow irritable, waitin to taste the alcohol and let it fill my veins with something more than i am now, something away from the mundane, we walk over to our table, her sister not realizin what we hold, she is a little scared to drink in front of them, they have two beers for me, alex says "go on, drink one, so you can dance." i mix my drink and let the joy of it sink in, feelin everyones happiness pump into me, i realize how i am...an alchie, the night progresses, i start to dance, sheddin my sweater shells and endin up in a wife beater, the older sister, marcela, asks me to dance, she is beautiful, curly black hair roundin her face of smooth skin, i wonder what she taste like, cinnamon or something spicy, thai maybe, i whisper in her ear, she says i am cute and she likes the way i dance, our conversation goes on til i get tired, she has to return to duty also, rosey is pissed, i can tell, her downward glance, and erratic movements, shock therapy from her subconscience, her sister tease me, i let myself mix with all there, glances from everyone, i feel them now, i feel my past from my body, cumbias, salsa, marenge...all of it porin out my cells to speak to them with understandin, i dance with a dozen girls, finally restin, the boy next to me with green eyes is writtin on a napkin, sparkin my curiosity, i ask, out of interest what he wrote, he gives me the paper and tells me to read it, i do, youth and it's continuity, so like me, rosey is nosey and asks, so, i give her the paper, she reads, calls him "mini avery" we talk about people, conformity, deviations, them he has to leave, i learn later rosey's youngest sister, bette, liked him, i finish the bottle and continue the cycle again, rosey wants to dance, i do, we dance til they finish, and we leave, me to my room, them to their apartment, i leave with four phone numbers, only one that i actually call after the cab drops me of at two in the mornin...