Just thoughts at 4am
what breaks my heart:
the unending cruelty of both those you know and those you don't ..friends,family,random stories on the news,
what will kill me:
my inability to pretend it doesnt get to me
and my inability to inflict the same
the way i cant play the game
i do not know the rules
what confuses me:
why some people cant stand to see other people happy and can't let others live their lives they way they want
what angers me:
why people STILL judge on race,ethnic origin,anyother stereotype ,why people judge first,never bother to know the other person
what terrifies me at 4am:
that I almost suspect I am the only human being on this planet right now,that empathy is simply an archaic word no longer in use or practice.
And that I realize at 26 I must certainly be growning older because loneliness crept in my open window last night and feels like its here to stay, not to be relieved easily,not to disappear even with "Friends"of dubious loyalty,or a man in my bed or even family around me.
Wake up the next day and that terrible only-human-in-the-world feelings subsided but that loneliness
still sits in the heavy ,a stone in the bottom of my heart.
not a story or a poem,just those 4am thoughts (whining and feelin sorry for myself..an emotion i rarely allow)that come to you after a night of disappointment amd much-needed,yet depressing,clarity.