Litkicks Message Board Archive

body trembling like last string, hit so hard, whole house shook

Posted to Action Poetry

how can u ask to see me next week?
you actually had the nerve to ask if i cared if u talked about girls, well i dont, and i never should, somehow your stupidity/lack of respect for me isnt getting by w/ me,
dont even try to go on like you never lied to me
you can think i will see u next week,
yet if i do, what will we talk about, i have nothing pleasant to say to you
id rather bitch you out, use your drug use as a scapegoat, or rather, just one reason to say you being stupid
id rather not bitch at you, i prefer being nice
but my self-esteem now i wont sacrifice to lame fucks like u
assholes who dont see how much damage you do to me when you insult me, humiliate me, throw me around, hit me with remarks like a memory of hands around a scared- as- hell face,
a body trembling like the last string, that high note you hit so hard, the whole house shook
i knew u always played when you were angry,
i knew u were always sad when you did,
you tried to hid it since i was a kid, but it didnt work
that memory isnt something that can be erased,
no, ill never forget that fear in her eyes,
and ill never forget how he appeared so
large to us as kids,
when now like soft, sung lullabies,
he gives us things not to our cries, but just because he loves us,
well, back to you, u never will love me,
you never did,
at least you never did love me,
id really despise you now if u had, i think
now i get to sit on the brink of insanity,
ripping at my hair, eating unhealthy,
eating not enough of that, too much of that,
i feel like having some cigarettes,
nah, i wont have any e with you,
no, i wont become free by subjecting myself to you either
you are so naive,
you just dont know
me, jaded, i really think not,
you gave me your best shot, and then went down on me,
do you remember?
faded memories of the happy times
and thats all that it can ever be
the happiness isnt there b/t u and me
my bad eating habits, stress, and pulling at hair, u dont seem to care
i dont either,
ill just try to fight off feeling of emptiness like i try to fight off depression and insanity and stupidity and the facts i face like i cant seem to be around girls now
they seem to scare me somehow with a glare,
an air of disgrace,
im always thinking, wipe that smirk away,
you have nothing intelligent to say
im always told that im always around guys
well, theyve seemed to give me support,
i need that and besides, i have girl friends
they can understand me, too
they understand whats gone on w/ u and my guy friends better than anyone else
just put me away like the hardbook book i put on your shelf when u didnt say thanks for all the gifts,
you just bring me down,
i cant remember when you ever gave me a lift to help me escape those bitches i lived with, and when i needed u most, u were nowhere to be found