Litkicks Message Board Archive

Slap...please critique...

Posted to Action Poetry




this is an experiment..so tell me what you think.

a man sits,
in darkness,
nude on a carpet
with a match, lit,
between 2 fingers and
a Camel between two lips.

who am I waiting for?
he askes himself as
a woman, in red dress, slit
in a crazy V on the side,
and breasts in delicious W,
salies in--
door closes...shut.
her hair, dark and curly,
tied back, fell
slinky like to her shoulders.

the room, smokey and stale,
creaks with movement
she sits.

legs spread
he scoots closer
hair, curly crazy dark, wild spins
the two talk
and listen
the man, tired and wet,
reaches and
slaps a face, red and burning
with hate
Minutes pass and the
cigarette
burns out