Litkicks Message Board Archive

yell low

Posted to Action Poetry

if it wasn't called yellow i'd be so much happier
if only you had the option of painting it in
choosing the very shade you so want
if you could change the 'yell' part to some other phrase
i love the beginning where the colour invites itself into my soul, but it overstays its welcome somewhere and all would be so very fine with less of that yellow sound
if i take out the 'y' word, it works deliciously well
and the poem is wonderful,no doubt
(is it me? is it that my rainbow of yello includes the ugly?)

is it the gimmick that bothers my pure enjoyment

if it weren't for the colour, i'd be breathlessly
applauding, i do assure you. the flow is superb.