Litkicks Message Board Archive

Please Critque me! (harshly)

Posted to Action Poetry




Hey, be honest about this writing - Let me know what you think about it - don't hold back. It is the start to a potential story, is it worth continuing? Thanks to all who offer feedback.


This, methinks, will be a story detailing my own confusion, ignorance, fever for life, and bliss. More so, it is a story of “wild youth”, kids exploring the universe and the way they fit into things, searching for glimpses of permanence. So, gentle reader, be forewarned that this story is founded in the human experience, that is confusion, and may offend thy decent morals and perceptions of the way the world works…so be patient, you will be entertained, or angered, or indifferent, but I made no effort to beguile the muse or to please the likes of you – this is pure, or at least was made in the effort of purity and is the product of the experiences of a louse, and this random dude cannot influence your views, as they are your views and this is only my interior monologue and life.


Any Friday afternoon roles round and we are free like Clint Eastwood from Alcatraz, we all role out of classrooms dreary-eyed like miners after late nights in front of computer screens with no company except the greats: Darwin, Nietzsche, Franklin, and their infinite list of deep science-dropping brethren. The suns hits this mass of educated flesh and vitality begins to return: we step out from our self-imposed exile, simple obligation to the world, and we once again can live for a day or two, a very empowering feeling if you can imagine it.
In this neck of the universe, everyone ventures home to re-realize life. As strength and social ability return, a tittering excitement is palpable through out the campus – this is evident not only through intrinsic intuition but also via outdoor activity (i.e. Frisbee, baseball, lacrosse, sitting, etc.) and blasting music. Once again life returns to those who choose to be dead for education, and if you think I am being dramatic here, enroll in my school.
The select few who I often find myself around are simply people I can identify with, and by doing so can seriously enjoy their company. We all share some common views and experiences: pondering of life, desire for human connection, ecstasy of the mind, altered perceptions, etc. (but more on all of these later). My little circle of friends, like endless other circles of friends here and elsewhere, is unique and meaningless. Each person in this coven (of sorts) has an ideological platform through which they identify with life, and the beauty of our bond is that we all influence each other in a great ring of constantly evolving life philosophy – this is possible because we realize and love our own imperfection: that is, we hold ideas and not beliefs (obviously, none of us are very religious in the traditional sense): ideas are open and can be easily changed to reflect changing experiences, beliefs are more rigid are tend to promote lives of ignorance and repression as beliefs cannot be changed without acknowledging personal flaw, as you identify your beliefs with you, and few are willing to do this. Sorry to get deep on you for a second, it just happens sometimes.