Litkicks Message Board Archive

The Spin Cycle has Ended

Posted to Action Poetry




The Spin Cycle has just concluded
If you find bleach spots on your colored items, we cannot be responsible.
If you left your clothes unattended and find a machine empty, we cannot be responsible.
If the overhead lighting comes loose during an earthquake, we are only responsible for damage to your clothes.

Please transfer clothes to next available dryer.
Insert $1.50 in quarters.
Our machines will not accept quarters that honor states we don't like.
States we don't like include [but are not exclusive to] consciousness, ambivalence, Colorado, grace and Nebraska.
The list of states can change at any time without prior notice.
For example, we are considering adding Florida to the list. The matter of its inclusion is one that is controversial at meetings of the business partners.
Ralph wants to include Hawaii on the list, but he's a putz, and the vote has been 11-1 NOT to include Hawaii at our last three meetings.
If your quarter honors Hawaii and is not accepted by our machines, it means that Ralph is up to his usual hyjinks, acting unilaterally. Sheesh, that stupid Ralph.

Joyriding in the machines is not allowed.
Clothes that are wet with pungent fluids should not be dryed in our machines since they might cause an explosion if the fluid is flammable. Please instead use a dryer of our competitor's across the street. Use the "High" setting.

When your clothes are dry [whether or not the machine has stopped spinning], open the dryer door and empty your clothes onto a table.
If someone is sitting on one of the tables, you are permitted to evict him.
If someone is sleeping on one of the tables, you are permitted to wake him.
If some people are playing Blackjack on one of the tables, you are permitted to fold your clothes on the dusty air hockey game at the bankrupt business next door, Sam's Circus Arcade.

When using our tables to ready your clothes before carrying them home, we require you to use the Stanislovsky method, which means that you must imagine that you are yourself the item of apparrel you are folding.
You should try not to become too hot and bothered when tending to your clean panties, brasieres or men's jockey shorts since your conduct may disturb our other customers, or cause them to lose their concentration and inadvertantly doubledown on a pair of sixes.

Thank you for cleaning your clothes at Majeski's, where we want your every sock to smell as fresh as a petunia.

--Sharik