Litkicks Message Board Archive

This Rhino's Not for Boiling

Posted to Action Poetry




"Have you been to the merchantile exchange?" asked Rhoderic.

From the tenor of his question you could tell that Rhoderic was named after a flower: the rhoderic.

"Rhoderic," I said, "I have every intention of never going to the merchantile exchange. They have added barriers and bumps to prevent serious skateboarding."

"That," he said, with his finger in the air like a pistol, "is more true than you know."

"Not likely," I said, as if my mouth was full of school-marmelade. "I believe it to be 100% true and one cannot be more certain than that!"

"Oh yeah? Let us see, let us see!" Rhoderic became dangerous when he became roused. His thorns would show and his sneakers would begin to melt into the grass. Sometimes he would rub pollen in my face. "You!" he said, pointing his pistol-whipping finger at me "are nothing more than a gerbil!!"

It was not true. I WAS NOT a gerbil. I was more of a spring. YES, that's it! I was a spring.

"Let us say, for argumentarians' sake, that the sun rises in the east, even on cloudy days. If that be so, then what is its likelihood?"

Oooo how I HATED it when Rhoderic was quoting from his memorizoid of an almanac. I smiled and patted down the feathers in my moustache. "I would rate the chance as, let me see, let me see, seven out of seven on a typical week in June."

"Bingo!" said Rhoderic, all lawyerly sweet. "Is not seven of seven a hunnerd percentable?"

I mulled for dramatic effect. My pointy finger on my head; my knee on my chin; an elbow on my nose. "Indubitably deedy!" I stated owlishly.

"Is skateboarder barrierability of that max-applied altitude?" he asked with fake humilability.

"Weed!" I screamed.

"Answer me this, you hamster! Can it be in the king's realm of proxibility that the----" He blurted and moaned on in the like for ten or twelve movements of an albatross's wing, but I paid attention to him not, thinking instead of the hambutt in my fridge.

"Thus spoke Zarathustra." I said, breaking into his monolog with axelike precision.

Rhoderic wilted. While in basketball if you "wilt," it means you get taller. For skateboarders like usen, it means you fall down and skin your face.

Ha! Rhoderic!

--Sharik