Litkicks Message Board Archive

hi folks (critique) rapstyle

Posted to Action Poetry




critique my song please
im only twelve so go easy on me and keep it simple

we may be together now but probably not long
this is my feelings written in rhymes not a song
but we dont fit together like a puzzle anymore
ever since you sucked the life out of me and left me on the floor
ever since you walked out that door
i hope you feel like i did
my heart was a cookie jar you opened the lid
you try to open it again but theres nothin there
go ahead look harder theres nothin but air
so now ill tell you one last time
im sorry i feel sad i aint got a bad attitude im just mad
so i think i should quit talkin about the things i had

i dont have my lyrics book on hand and this is all i can remeber for now