I hate all these fucking people.
This will be the last post I ever put on this page. I may return one day to post a poem or two, but even then I don't feel like casting my pearls before the swine.
These people are all miserable fools who believe in the logic of emotions (a blatant contradiction) and some sort of mystical/spiritual idea that service of others is the path to the sort of happiness that I live in and they dream about.
I am typically a very happy person, and I only wished to show that the paradigm I live under is a key to that.
It's true, in that poem I wrote on my birthday, when I said that when I was 15 I tried to kill myself. In those days I hated life because I was so dependant on other people. I did good for others all the time. I was a blind fool who pledged his allegience to anyone willing to take the time to notice and pat me on the back. Now these people are telling me that the key to happiness is to revert back to that way of thinking? I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than rely on other people for my own happiness. I had to learn that through the same experience these people keep assuming I don't have.
My theory needs no fine tuning. As has been joked by other people (and truly believed by myself): I have all the answers. What needs fine-tuning is the current accepted way of thinking on nearly every level of every society. But, then, I might be way off, I suppose experience will have to prove me right or wrong. All I know is that my own experience has shown that being dependant on others and treating others' happiness before my own made me the most miserable person in the world, writing sad poetry taking drugs and every night with a knife to my wrist.
I'm much happier now.
I thought I could help people understand that.
I guess I should live as I preach and truly stop teaching, preaching and speaching to others. The constant attacks against the way I think and against the way I achieve happiness has made me stagger.
You are someone on this site I could put up with; you and Illuminara. Both you guys take care of yourselves.
This is Earth Guru, signing off. 9/11/02.