The Declaration of Non-Adherence to Commercialism & Immorality with Regards to College Admissions
When in the course of the high school experience it becomes blatantly clear that the surrounding community is composed of supposedly altruistic individuals willing to dedicate an undetermined portion of their vital, constricted time to pilot the impressionable youth of America onto the alleged right path to happiness, more commonly known as the one that, for one reason or another, they were unable to follow, a decent concern for the mental sanity and moral integrity of the aforementioned youth arises, and requires that the causes of the fraudulence should be declared.
I hold these truths to be self-evident:
· That education, more specifically, a college education in its purest form, stimulates the mind and begets young adults to achieve new levels of intellectuality, thus bettering society for all concerned parties;
· That the young people at hand, regardless of plans post high school matriculation, are the future vanguards and commonwealth of accepted society, and will carry on these roles in a much more dignified and effective manner if exposed to the breadth of knowledge and myriad ideas that a college education can presents;
· That to ensure the continuance of modern society, and to keep up with the maintenance of a diverse, precocious, appealing community, people from all walks of life should be presented with the opportunity to receive a college education regardless of race, social and economic status, ethnicity, religion, or any other factor of this genre;
· That, with the acceptance of these previously stated principles and exposure of the majority of young people to higher education, the better part of the public will become more tolerant and, hopefully, when education diffuses into the minds of the uneducated, elevate the current society into one of extreme intelligence and, as progression occurs undaunted, a fractional reflection of transcendentalism.
But when recent history is able to identify or detect a growing trend, in which the previously stated truths are denied or twisted in such a way that the stated goals are unattainable, it is the right, it is the duty of those who remain unaffected, those who remain conscious and willing, to shun the current officialdom and attempt to avert back to the utopian situation described above.
Such has been the credence of many groups past, that the only way to return to the favorable days of yore is to overthrow the offensive bureaucracy that has developed.
The history of the college admissions process has varied greatly over the last 50 years, allegedly turning the college experience from one held in high esteem to one that is shunned by the general public unless the youth at hand goes to a school that is deemed “exclusive” by the College Board. This has occurred due to many modifications made to secondary education as of late. I hereby present facts and evidence to prove this jump from coveted education to, shall we say, insatiable commercialism to future generations of would-be scholars.
· These uptight, self-absorbed, money-hungry, social climbing, conniving suburban parents who want more than ever for their offspring to attend a selective college are manipulating both their children and the education system in ways that are not conducive to the health or progression of any concerned parties.
· They have developed a fixation on the Ivy League, going all lengths, jumping all hurdles, so that their children can attend one of these prized institutions.
· They have compromised any morals or values they may have had in order to secure a high-paying, successful future for their child, often without notifying the child of any of these plans.
· They have instituted artificial superiority in their children by sending them to $800 SAT prep classes and $60 and hour tutors where they are praised for knowing how to read the multiple choice questions; after all, the questions are answered for them by the instructors.
· They have glorified lying, cheating, and obsequiousness, so long as they result in personal gain.
· They have ousted all persons not living in the upper middle crust of suburban society from the college admissions process due to their ability to donate exorbitant amounts of money.
· In their lust for control, they have entered the school on many occasions to complain about the unfair, undue treatment their child was receiving, using excuses such as “poor sleep hygiene” to describe the bum of a teenager whose inner self refuses to hear the alarm clock in the morning.
· In their fear that their child will be deferred under early admissions, they register their child for junior year Advanced Placement classes, stressing the fact that while a lower grade in an AP class is better than a high grade in a regular class, a high grade in an AP class is best of all.
· In their stupidity, they have convinced themselves that the cost of tuition is directly proportional to the quality of the nursing home they will attend when their children are living the suburban dream.
· In their jealousy, they have convinced themselves that their children are greater than their next-door neighbor’s children, and will enlist the help of the other neighbors in telling that to the admissions office.
· They have enlisted an army of guidance counselors and college spokespeople to whom they indoctrinate themselves until April of their child’s senior year, and then leave without so much as a thank you note.
· They arrogantly believe that if they attended Princeton, their child is worthy of such a fine education as well, employing the use of the “legacy” status.
· They hate minorities, because they get money for that factor, so they lie and say they are Native American when their second cousin’s nephew slept with the owner of Foxwoods after prom.
· They are self-absorbed.
· They hate their lives.
· They hate their spouses.
· They hate their jobs.
· They are vicariously living through their children.
We have seen this coming for a long time, but have neglected to do anything about it, for we all strive for this same goal. However, it is time to recognize our wrongness and turn around. There is still time to change, and if we, the youth of God-Blessed-America can realize this, then maybe we can change their minds, as well. I have outlined, to my fullest extent, the wrongdoings of the ruling class, so to speak. Worshipping success but measuring it in capital, manipulation, and deceit, they are teaching us to do the same, to live a false existence. But we shall no longer allow our beliefs and thoughts and dreams to be hindered and altered by these supposed powerful forces.
We must therefore harmonize, come together, in realizing that the college admissions process is nothing more than a game, a game that adults play when they have nothing left to live for, their own personal Custer’s Last Stand.
We, therefore, fun-loving, self-loving, progression-loving, freedom-loving, life-loving students, appealing to parents, adults, guidance counselors, deans, principals, teachers, and professors for the acceptance of our true wants and needs and the abolishment of your false ones, do, in the wake of all those who wish to create their own life, unmolded by those around us, straight from our minds, hearts, and souls, declare that we are free and independent to choose our own colleges, regardless of whether they made US News and World’s Top 100 School List, and that we are turning a deaf ear to the cries and admonishments when the lack of AP classes is discovered on our transcripts by college admissions officers everywhere, and that by grouping together in this time of uncertainty we will fend off all suspicious creatures who doubt our abilities and intelligences and we will, eventually, claim full power to this modern society and we will change it to befit our wants and needs, and the wants and needs that we feel will create a world advantageous to the personal success of future generations, though we realize that it is their right to object to our proposals.
And for the support of this Declaration of Non-Adherence to Commercialism and Immorality with Regards to College Admissions with a firm reliance on the protection of my fellow students, and extremely confident of both my own will and desire to create change and the will and desire of my peers and those of future generations, I give to you all my life, my hopeful lack of monetary fortune, and my sacred honor.