this is really something! i think i need to read this a few more times because i think it's one of those things that each time you read it, something different grabs you... i like the sense of motion i get from this, i'm not sure if that was intentional but it feels like a definite journey to me. i also like the loose rhyming scheme you've got going here, it seems to bind the parts together. very interesting and a lot of great phrases in this one. i think my favorite part is the following:
And yet. I cannot be nostalgic.
And yet. Here there's no retreat.
Now there's only this, and yet,
possibles impossibly hidden in this heavy mist,
impossibly hidden in the burgeoning grey beyond,
enliven, the humblest thoughts of nought and song,
the fabulous dance of time, even in decline
this is extremely well-written -- i like the final thought there: even in decline we throng.
stark, i find your writing very intriguing and well-thought out. i am not sure i'm qualified to critique this, but i just wanted to let you know that i like the way you put this together.