Anam Cara - saying farewell to a soul-friend...
Outside the wind blows fiercely, I feel sad. One whom I care about deeply, I have had to leave. The sky looks how I feel, grey and bleak. Today I do not care if it rains.
All night sat here trieing to write a letter. A farewell to my 'Anam Cara' Anam Cara an old Celtic word meaning soul friend.
Souls whom you can communicate with so deeply are rare and hard to find. They are priceless. She was my soul-mate. Never before have I met someone, who was so pure. She was special. I could tell her anything and she did not laugh at me. My deepest most intimate thoughts. She understood me. She helped to heal my confusion.
I cry now as I write this, because no words can adequately describe how I feel. Its like sad and beautiful at the same time.
I am such a sentimental fool. I care about my friends deeply, they are my soul. Friendships are the true treasure and not money. I may not have much money, but what I do have is good friends. And they are what keep me going. Bless my friends, how much I owe them, how great they truly are, my lifeline, my inspiration, my truth that keeps my fire burning.
Through tearfull eyes I see my dog Ben. He walks over to me, he knows I am feeling blue. he sympathises with his eyes, tries to comfort me by nudging my hand with his head. His eyes half-closed as if hes trieing to tell me he understands. I appreciate his concern it touches me. Ben my canine friend.
You may laugh but dogs are spiritual creatures. They know things, they have soul just like we do. Because they can't speak in words doesn't make them any less than us. I talk to my dog telepathically. My spirit talks directly to his through eye contact. We tell each other many things.
I can't sit here anymore moping, must get some fresh air. I get up out of my chair and get my big coat from the hook. It feels nice to put it on, comforting like an old friend. I put my hands in its deep pockets, why does it feel so soothing putting your hands in your pockets? Funny how clothes feel like friends. Maybe its because you travel with them and have many experiences with them. They feel like a part of you.
Silently I leave the house, Ben at my side. I don't care where I end up. I am just walking aimlessly, anything to get away from the four walls.
The wind blows all around me, it feels comforting, I love the wind. The wind is my friend, it communicates with me. You can communicate with anything if you know how. It is simple, it is to do with your heart and not your mind. Let go of your logic and reason and feel your intuition. I made friends with the wind a long time ago on the island of Iona, but that is another story.
The wind blows on all sides of me and it feels exhilarating. Bless you my unseen friend, I know it is you the wind giving me strength, healing me. Telling me I made the right choice. I think of her, and how much she means to me. And as I do the wind blows more powerfully. It feels so invigorating this wind, so freeing. Like its lifting a great weight from my shoulders. I feel this power enter me, right into my soul, the core of my being. My spirits feel lifted. I stand up tall.
I feel that my heart chakra has been opened. Raw kundalini energy moving round my being, mighty love and compassion and all things good. I feel my goodness, I feel my virtue and my divinity.
She taught me so much you know, She helped me remember my true self, she helped me find my inner truth again. Helped me Remember past lives. Our paths were meant to cross even if it was only briefly.
I helped her too. Helped to heal some of her confusion. Helped her to find some answers, put her in the right direction so she could find her path. it made me feel good doing this. To reach out and touch someone so meaningfully. And through it I have found my higher self. I have found God.
If you want to find God, reach out and touch someone. It is a beautiful thing to do.
I gave her as much as I could, never realised that within me there was so much to give. That my well was so deep. I feel blessed and honoured to have met someone so precious.
I am no longer cynical about reincarnation or the idea of soul-mates. Because for a brief moment amidst this mechanical consumerist madness I found my soul-mate. Even today in this soulless capitalist money orientated society, poetry still exists. No matter what lies they tell us, no matter how much they pollute this planet. They can never destroy the spirit, or kill the truth, the spirit of truth is immortal.
They try some of them, try to make the world seem dull materialistic and soulless. But the great Spirit unseen, dances with their illusion and creates meaning and life.
I am in some woods now, surrounded by big oak trees. It feels so good being here in the trees. The trees too are my friends, they tell me things. I call them the standing people, they are wise, they are old and wise. If you come to them in love they have much to teach you.
I feel closer to the great wild spirit here.
I walk and walking feels great, this movement, movement in coordination with beautiful thoughts about deep spiritual things. Poetry and love makes my limbs move, I feel so alive. Thankyou my Anam Cara for what you have shown me. Un-selfishly we gave to each other what we could through the limitations that we faced.
Now it is for unselfish reasons that I have to say farewell. Our paths crossed for a reason but now for a time they must go different ways. It is ordained by the heavens. We both have different lives to lead. Different lessons to learn, different paths to walk. Ones we have chosen for this lifetime. But all paths eventually lead to the same place.... All brothers and sisters of the truth meet again.
And we will meet again. Whether it is after moments or lifetimes. One thing you can be sure of friends always meet again. So with a sense of beauty and of sadness I say farewell and walk my own solitary path to enlightenment.
Her last words to me, ' If I could sit across the porch from God. I would thank him for lending me you.'
I am not ashamed to say that this made me cry.