hmmm, your situation sounds serious, earth. Indeed the unobtainable has often served well as that tantalizing carrot to move the mare, pull the cart. I understand the exploitation of such things for creative ends, including the shameless usery of self. Surely, most poets utilize this method of personal flagellation with the pen.
Is it possible, through the use of written language, to obtain that abstract beauty beyond rational definitions, words being what they are, the product of the left hemisphere...definitions in themselves? Perhaps in music, or maybe in visual art where abstraction (I feel) is more at home...but words, what is the scale of them? But I hear what you are saying, and a failure at your efforts, earth, I assure you, you are not. But thank the gods for imperfection and the striving which ensues, how uninteresting life would be if ideals were achieved.
Maybe I'll try to dig up some bad poems I've written some time back while in the throes of wanting (see above). Thanks for naming amy.