Litkicks Message Board Archive
I see where you're coming from about the whole girlfriend thing needing to get the axe, but I'm not sure if I'm going to get rid of it completely or not. The idea behind it was to show that David is a normal guy with the type of problems that normal people have, in order for the audience to identify with him better. It maked him seem more like a real guy, so when it turns out he's not real, it's even more shocking. Also, it gives the audience the idea the story is going in one direction before pulling it off into another direction entirely. I see what you mean that it is distracting, but that might not be a bad thing.
I like the idea about David being upset when he first talks to Gerald, but I'm still reluctant to change at least the beginning part. The first few lines when Gerald talks about what's going on in his life was intended to give the audience the impression that the play is going to deal with familiar sorts of subject matter. Then, when the audience is expecting David to say something like," Oh, and I got a new cell phone the other day," he says," I came across a rip in the space time continuum", and the people who were expecting the former will be sitting in their chairs, asking themselves themselves," What the hell is going on?" It's all about the element of suprise. Still, I'm going to have David say something about how he thinks he's losing his mind a little later on, after the first landmine has gone off, so to speak. I'll admit the first scene does need a little more energy.